Letting go to be happy.

I've been reminded that I will likely receive nothing if I ask for nothing. But I don't want 'nothing'. I am human and I am not independent enough to fully be alone in all aspects of my life. I feel I am independent enough that I am my own person and try to be true to who I inherently am. It's not in my nature to aleays be alone and it's not in the nature of my circumstances.

I am trying to let go and not let my fears of potential consequences prevent me from asking for what I want but sometimes I hold myself back by making excuses to myself, that I ask for too much... But I wont know the boundaries if I don't try.

I ask because i care. If I didn't care I would be fine off alone -- I think. This almost feels normal because this has always happened in the past, even with different people, so it make me wonder if it is just me. If it is because of who I am, how I am, that results in these responses towards me. I hope this is not the case because this time I feel different, I want to keep trying, to keep hoping, to keep asking.

This makes me feel so needy and in a way I am. But I do not think it is wrong to need because that is part of being human. It is human to be social, to form bonds, to grow with others, to want to be a part of something good, to seek love, to love others, to want to feel loved.

I want to be with people I admire, people that support me, help me be a better person , people that enjoy my company as much as I enjoy theirs. It is two sided.

Maybe I'm too insecure to take the negativity but I also don't feel as if my life should be about negativity.

I will continue seeking the good in these situations and continue to seek good things in my life. I can only be happy if I let go and allow myself to be happy, regardless of the excuses I make of being held back from happiness.


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SAS-success?

Working on SAS for culminating. So far it is going smoothly but I could be missing a lot of crucial things in my methods of data analysis...however preliminary this is so far. Hell0... weeks and weeks of SAS.