Off the path

I feel sort of like a shell right now. Maybe I'm just tired and stressed about life.

I don't want school to start up again mostly because some of the classes are going to be very difficult and intimidating. That, and I'm anxious about schools and how life will change.

I just don't feel very lively lately. Sometimes I don't feel visible but I am sure that is just a perception. Life can be very humbling and a constant reminder of how very human and vulnerable I am. ... definitely not a fan of feeling vulnerable but I guess I'm trying to accept it and deal with it.

Right now I don't really have confidence in my capabilities because time and time again I have experienced dissatisfaction and disappointment in results. Since college I have found that even if I try really hard, I don't always get what I want. It's not just about the amount of effort but where to allot it and the method. That's just a lot going on right there. Maybe people are similar to that.

I also need to think less about certain things. I feel like the things that bother me are just stupid. I am my own person and I just have to remind myself that I am unique. People cannot be totally compared because people are complex. I don't have to place myself beside others. I should not judge myself because I try very hard not to judge others. All I can do is to try to be the best version of myself but honestly? sometimes I just blank.out.

It's easy to not notice things on time and to get unnoticed. Life moves quickly and I get carried away by it and miss out on a lot. I need to take things less seriously and slow down. Chill.

I have my own life and I have to remember myself well enough to not let things and people get to me too much. Don't hold unrealistic expectations. Appreciate the little things more. Be more understanding. Be slow to be harsh. Take courage. Think openly and be thoughtful. Although I have my own life I am not alone in the world. Although it is easy to feel lonely even when surrounded by people, it does not have to be that way and it shouldn't.

Sometimes I just need pressure-free space to think and make sense of my thoughts.