Not the greatest of days

Well, the morning wasn't too bad. I got to dawdle a lot this morning. I'm so used to waking up at 6am for Tuesday-Friday so it was just natural for me to wake up at 6am on Monday even though I don't have to be on campus until 8AM. The morning was nice... I'm glad I got to enjoy an hour because the rest of the day surely wasn't very fun.

I did not enjoy my dentist appointment at all. I've had a couple cavities filled before but this is the first time I got so numbed up with those needles. I'm not sure it was necessary but the whole process was much more uncomfortable than I remember and I was phlegmy and gaggy. I'm glad it was eventually over but by that point I couldn't feel my mouth, tongue, or cheeks. Dentist said it'd be gone in another hour...2 hours later...still can't feel anything so that meant I couldn't eat. By then I was sooo hungry...

Group meeting for my Pharmacy class was alright. It was productive. Sort of had to take the lead. Maybe it was my crazy sugar level from lack of eating that made me just want to get it all over with.

I eventually felt well enough to eat...even after I ...stupidly...attempted to eat some food even tho I can't feel anything. It was risky. I wouldn't have been able to feel biting my tongue or cheeks. Anyway, that went ok...and I eventually ate. Yay...not very much though because then I had class...then had to walk back to meet with my adviser.

Emma and I walked in the rain. Sideways rain. Soaking wet. Cold. .. then sat to figure out some stats stuff with adviser who sent me home with a long list of things to run thru SAS. This isn't going to be very fun but I got a head start on it when I got home... so hopefully I'll be able to finish it all soon.

Being physically uncomfortable and having gloomy weather did not help my mood. It's not that I never see people but I still feel lonely at times. Even when I make plans to see people, it's like something is missing.

I realize that even though it was sweet that somebody opened the door for me on Saturday (not even the door he was meant to go thru)... I was overwhelmed by the gesture. I realize it's just within the normal range of nice things to do but I guess I'm just craving such gestures. Looking back on it now... even though at the time it made me so happy... now it makes me sad.

It's lonely out here. I can only imagine how lonely I'd be if I moved farther away.

I want to feel special and adored.

May be why I am watching The Bachelor right now. Ah, always a dreamer.

A new year, a different year

I'm sitting here in my cubicle at work. It is so warm in here and this is really not helping with my feeling slow. I had a lot of trouble waking up this morning, even though I got 8 hours of sleep. I suppose it does not make up for my troubled sleep, physically not feeling all that great, and my just generally feeling drained.

Research/Culminating consuming my brain,

Work is consuming my energy,

and Job searching/applying is consuming my time.

What do I have left? Some pretty amazing people in my life!

I haven't written in here in quite some time now...not for the lack of anything to say, but mostly the lack of time/energy to think of putting my thoughts into words.

Winter break was nice. Different. There was no snow, it was pretty mild, and I enjoyed my time with my loved ones.

Both my brother and I felt rather poorly so we spent many day just lounging on my bed watching movies. Sometimes he would feel so awful he'd pass out and it was so depressing to see how miserable he felt.

I enjoyed being around friends and I got to spend a lot of time with Josh and my family.

Christmas was nice. I'd say my favorite is the gift Josh made for me. He put a lot of time, energy, and resources into it and it means a lot to me. I haven't had it for very long now, but it already holds a lot of meaning to me. Here it is!:

It is made of my favorite wood: Tiger maple! It is beautiful.

Look at the grain! so wavy! and it is shiny. After a few more coats of oil it can go out into the living room and I will feel more at ease. Best thing? Josh will be spending the weekend here!!! that is the best part... it is the perk that he will be applying this oil so I don't somehow screw it up. I am very protective of my gift.

Ok, moving past Christmas. New Years was chill enough. We spent time with Allie and her bf, Austin and went to Lauren's place in Hamilton to bring in the New Year with some of our friends. It was nice to see Fei and Seth, and Jocelyn! Certainly better than last year, which was a disaster, but I would rather not think about it again.

So, now I am back in Columbus. I am trying to be financially self-sufficient and I see that it will not be easy. I'm working a lot, working on culminating which is consuming my life. SAS is such a pain, and it is so difficult to program mostly because it is hard to really sort out an appropriate way to sort and analyze the data because there are so many variables and conditions to consider to try and answer the research question. I will not delve into that here because if everybody attempts to read it, they will probably want to pass out too.

Thankfully, my adviser is going to stick around in May/June to help me with the final stages of my culminating and be there for my defense. Otherwise, I'd be presenting at my defense with her on video-chat on Skype, haha. Either way, in March/April we will be working on my culminating with our meetings through Skype. Pretty cool, eh?

I've been applying to jobs like crazy. I applied to 17 yesterday. I have 4 more that I have printed out that I will apply to today. I am trying not to rush myself and really spend some time carefully writing my resumés and cover letters. I'm just so anxious about this whole process. There are like.... no Epi jobs in Ohio...none that I am qualified for yet. The ones I am qualified for... the closest one is Marshfield, Wisconsin. That is North of Lacrosse. That is... northern Wisconsin. Oh boy. But, I'm trying not to concern myself too much with this because... well, applying to a job is free so apart from time/energy I am not losing anything in applying to absolutely everything...everywhere. I will figure it out in like May or so ... after I have hopefully received interviews, etc. I don't want to be too far away. This is something I need to seriously address. If I have to be far away it better pay enough and be flexible enough that I could come back to Ohio like once a month for a few days. I don't think I can handle that far a distance very well (in a place, all alone!) from Josh and my brother. My brother is growing up quickly and I don't want to miss out. Josh means the world to me and I couldn't bear to be away so far while we are both too busy.

But, for now, I will try to focus on the present because... heck, there is way too much going on for me to spend worrying about things I cannot control. It's time to go into over-drive to multi-task my life.

School.

Work.

Thesis.

Future.

Life.

Time to get back to work, I'm feeling a little more energetic now.