Blessed despite the stress

Today has been an interesting day.

A lot of ups and downs.

Had a lot of back and forth phone conversations with the recruiter at the job I want. Heh, we've talked so many times by now it just seems normal, hahahaha.

Almost had to drive back there again to speak with a VP.

I am really hoping for a good offer and I think one is coming within a week... I really hope that it does.

Manager was a little moody today so that was interesting. I think the environment is starting to get tedious/overwhelming.

So tired/stressed/confused today that I nearly passed out in a professor's (second reader) office and a different professor had to bring me water and wet towel while i sat in a daze trying to make myself eat the candy to bring up my sugar levels. It was embarrassing. But they are so sweet. By the time I got to my advisor she looked at me all concerned and tried to make me go home but I insisted we get stuff done cus I don't know when I'll have time. Thankfully it was a great meeting, we got a lot done, a lot of progress, i can write soon and we bonded... good thing too because she is leaving the country this weekend and won't be back til May 16... so essentially... she'll still be jet lagged when I present. fun.

so tired. Been laying in bed since then pretty much.

So many emotions.

But, I have a great support system and life is good...i just need to pull myself together and not worry myself sick. Which....is pretty much what happened.

I still want the fiat.

I want a job.

I want a vacation. (my adviser did say I should visit her in Sweden sometime, maybe i will... i don't know if she is being serious but she certainly could be...)

P.S. discovered a steep late fee on paying this quarter's tuition. I was so busy/preoccupied I forgot I technically have a "class" aka my culminating/thesis. Hopefully being so busy/preoccupied literally pays off for these mistakes w a real job. SOON. I may barely make it thru summer. NEED JOB.

Awa, what? Awapuhi!

My new favorite shampoo! smells amazing and my hair feels great!

I've been looking for something like this for so long!!! perfection.

This is much better than my anxiety and emotional roller coaster of a relationship with SAS programming right now. I am taking a break from it today... I will return to it tomorrow... and hopefully get what I need done.

I can't wait to finish my analysis and to officially start writing my thesis to get ready to graduate! ah!

FIAT!

Josh and I went to the auto show this weekend. Although the coolest car was the new Subaru BR-Z, I decided I am still in love with the... Fiat!

This color, this model... so cute! it's like an old vintage colored refrigerator. This would age beautifully...but it is so expensive! eeeeh. 20K. Eeeeh. So cute and huggable!

Public Service

What is Public Service? I realize I've been thinking a lot about where I should be in my life and where I should go. Public vs. Private.

I believe in the intentions of Public Service but my concern is about the barriers of implementation towards social progress, social good, etc.

It's not appropriate for me to discuss certain matters but I've come to learn a lot about what I want and what I admire.

My manager at work is somebody that really lives the intentions of public service, whether he is aware of it or not so I really value his opinions and guidance. He understands that in order to work as a society, we have to work together, not do just enough to get by. Even if it is not explicitly written in job descriptions, as long as it is not morally wrong, or unethical, and does not inhibit productivity at the job, it is not wrong to take on tasks to help others out because it is a win-win in my mind. You are appreciating colleagues more, you are helping them, investing in the group, and this promotes an atmosphere of teamwork which to get anything done in the public sector, is crucial. I would say that majority of people I know who work in the public sector truly care and do their best work, they are amazing people, but I do get the sense that creativity is suppressed. It's not really because of the people and quality of workers because they are of great quality, but perhaps it is the environment and the bureaucracy. I realize it is very difficult to know where to draw the line and it is very easy to cross this arbitrary line when it comes to making sure things are done under protocol/policies/rules that manage the system. But, how much is too much? I think that managing anything must be incredibly difficult. This is something I had not really thought about previously but more has been brought to light as of late.

Maybe people have gotten complacent, maybe there is no reason to go above and beyond. I think it's in our nature to not do things unless it is out of necessity. This country has a history of ingenuity and great things but I don't think we should all get too comfortable...it may be stifling us.

Or at least, myself.

Even though it is comfortable to work for the public sector, I think at this stage in my life it is just the right time to be taking risks, to really do more cutting-edge things, to really see where my ambition can take me, to explore what the world has to offer and what I can offer this world. Of course this assumes I can actually get the opportunity to work in the private sector (with competitive pay compared to the public sector) but, I think it would be good for me. Maybe use those skills from the private sector to eventually apply it to the public sector... to shake things up a bit. I really do believe in the society. I believe in social progress. We have so many brilliant people in the world and we have so many problems going on... are they hiding? or maybe they're already working for the private sector.

I think that pursuing the private sector will help me do the public sector some good. Everything is interconnected. I want to contribute to the economy. I want to develop the skills I think are necessary to help solve problems. I want to do my part. It's interesting to see that maybe it is possible to do the public some good through the private/corporate world. I've met people who feel the same way and I hope they are not just saying pretty nothings to me. I hope these are truths.

I don't know what is going on but I do know that for myself, I want to feel inspired. I feel like I've lost a lot of my spirit. I feel like I've become complacent and maybe too comfortable. Maybe I need to shake up my life.

I want to see changes in the world, I want to see good changes, but I also know that first I need to change my own little world. I have my own problems, I have to learn to take care of myself too. There is plenty about myself I have yet to discover and I want to be an environment that will encourage that. I hope I have a lot to offer this world and I want to feel invigorated, accomplished, excited, happy... many good things.

I want an adventure.

I'm young and it's time to take advantage of that.

How far is too far? How to stay on the same page?

I'm very thankful to have received a lot of responses from potential employers. I have finished 3 interviews (the process) and have two more set up with two different employers.

This past weekend was great and I learned so much about myself, the real world, and what I want.

Although I found the job I interviewed for this weekend "by accident" it is an amazing accident. It's in a field I am unfamiliar with or would not have thought I would enjoy but after the (very long) interview, I came out feeling very relieved and enthusiastic and I hope they feel the same way about me. I should hear back from them in about 1.5 weeks more from now.

I have an interview this coming Monday (a friend is interviewing for the same position). THis would not require relocating and it does sound interesting at least, maybe not as exciting as the job before but certainly worth a try and it's always good to have opportunities.

After work I received another call for another position but the interview isn't til April. Although a month ago I would've decided that would've been the best for me, I realize I want something that is really stimulating/fun/challenging without all the tedious bureaucracy but if it comes down to it, I may check it out if I have not accepted an offer by then.

A decision is a decision and one must follow through and be responsible.

Also... now comes to the question of how far is too far? Josh and I live 2 hours apart right now and so far that has been OK and has probably been good for us at this stage in our lives to figure out what we want in a career. I know he wants to work somewhere with an automobile industry but I don't know how I feel about some of those cities. Also, the job I interviewed this weekend is amazing for the future due to its flexibility and manageability when comes time to have a family.

We have a lot to talk about still and figure out. But, that'll happen soon enough becomes he comes up to visit tomorrow for the weekend! hooray! :-D

Dress for the job you Want.

So ready for the upcoming interviews :)

Thanks goes to The Limited's $100 off Suit sale and TJ Maxx for the great purse/wallet set!

Good day

Found my dream job at ODH, well I think it is my dream job. Applied... we'll see how this goes because...Unions do exist.

Got to sit in on interview, that was fun.

Got pretty good with mail-merging. I enjoy being efficient!

Had caffeine.

Told that I get to take charge of all our print materials/media yayyy! I get to be creative, yay!

Meeting with the director of Obesity at ODH tomorrow, more interviews, meetings...and then I have my second phone screening for a job! ahhh!!! time flies. AHHH CAFFEINE.