I've just been feeling pretty down lately but I am making effort to just put the pieces together and to try not to let things get to me. I don't need the attention to feel better about myself but sometimes distance just makes it worse. No fun having more reasons to just feel moody especially when it is a vulnerable time to begin with. There are insecurities I need to confront and figure out. I need to learn how to react appropriately. But then again I keep on telling myself I should try to understand. I cannot expect to receive as much as I give even though that is logical. Equity and equality. Difference. People give in different ways even if the actions may go unnoticed and unappreciated. Maybe I am just not seeing the actions. Maybe I need to be more demanding.
Because I definitely don't want to just disappear.
But sometimes a hug is enough and is at least a start.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
University of Michigan and sunshine
So weather is nice today after all. It isn't to rain until the evening or something.
Anyway, dad and I drove up to Ann Arbor yesterday. It was a really nice drive actually, I enjoyed it as I drove most of the way there and back. OMG MICHIGAN DRIVERS.Once we hit michigan speed limit went from 65 to 70...but, nobody was going under 80. I was going 80-85 and people were STILLLLL PASSING MEEE going at like 90 or so. hahahaha.
We got there at around noon and parked at the Cardiovascular Center then walked in search for lunch before meeting with the PH HBHE Student Coordinator. We didn't explore all that much because the place is huge and I was tired of walking but we had Panera. Not exciting but still a good way to observe the place as I stared out the window and observing the very studious environment of the restaurant itself.
Learned a good deal about the school from the Coordinator at the meeting. I mean they have scholarships available that they will send out soon but it is limited, as limited as GSI positions. I cannot really get them within the public health school but I can try to get them in other schools to be like a graduate student instructor. I looked into it and it does not look all that promising because they either rarely/never take from other departments or there aren't all that many options. I am going to continue trying to figure this out though, as well as try to find research. Although they would only pay hourly, that's better than nothing. There is no guarantee I will go to Michigan for school though. It is an amazing school but money is the limiting factor here. Columbus is a lot cheaper. I'm still trying to figure out how much effort I'll put towards Illinois-Chicago though. Gah...so much to do. I am attempting to make an appointment with somebody in Columbus to meet with sometime this week. I should also write two papers this week sometime, and finish FAFSA with my parents. I want to have fun too though...but when?
Life is going by too fast. Time is short. But I guess since the Chile earthquake the day has shortened slightly? something like that.
ahhhh......
*****
Update:
Michigan's Chemistry Department doesn't even post GSI's for non chemistry dept people...which does not work for me...that and they probably won't even need more to begin with...
I am waiting to hear from other Michigan depts that I am REMOTELY qualified for in terms of GSi positions.
Apparently OSU gives assistantships out without applications...so I don't do anything right now?
Chicago's assistantships look difficult to apply for because I have no experience...maybe I'll try anyway.
I also need to fill out the SOC one at Michigan tomorrow or so? Sigh...I do not have that much experience but I can sure try...
I can't be too picky though because my field does not pay all that much post-degree so finances do count. That and I am very lucky to have my parents helping because me taking out a ton of loans is not practical, considering I am not pursuing medicine or something which pays a lot right away (guaranteed). Sigh. Money isn't everything but sometimes it is.
Anyway, dad and I drove up to Ann Arbor yesterday. It was a really nice drive actually, I enjoyed it as I drove most of the way there and back. OMG MICHIGAN DRIVERS.Once we hit michigan speed limit went from 65 to 70...but, nobody was going under 80. I was going 80-85 and people were STILLLLL PASSING MEEE going at like 90 or so. hahahaha.
We got there at around noon and parked at the Cardiovascular Center then walked in search for lunch before meeting with the PH HBHE Student Coordinator. We didn't explore all that much because the place is huge and I was tired of walking but we had Panera. Not exciting but still a good way to observe the place as I stared out the window and observing the very studious environment of the restaurant itself.
Learned a good deal about the school from the Coordinator at the meeting. I mean they have scholarships available that they will send out soon but it is limited, as limited as GSI positions. I cannot really get them within the public health school but I can try to get them in other schools to be like a graduate student instructor. I looked into it and it does not look all that promising because they either rarely/never take from other departments or there aren't all that many options. I am going to continue trying to figure this out though, as well as try to find research. Although they would only pay hourly, that's better than nothing. There is no guarantee I will go to Michigan for school though. It is an amazing school but money is the limiting factor here. Columbus is a lot cheaper. I'm still trying to figure out how much effort I'll put towards Illinois-Chicago though. Gah...so much to do. I am attempting to make an appointment with somebody in Columbus to meet with sometime this week. I should also write two papers this week sometime, and finish FAFSA with my parents. I want to have fun too though...but when?
Life is going by too fast. Time is short. But I guess since the Chile earthquake the day has shortened slightly? something like that.
ahhhh......
*****
Update:
Michigan's Chemistry Department doesn't even post GSI's for non chemistry dept people...which does not work for me...that and they probably won't even need more to begin with...
I am waiting to hear from other Michigan depts that I am REMOTELY qualified for in terms of GSi positions.
Apparently OSU gives assistantships out without applications...so I don't do anything right now?
Chicago's assistantships look difficult to apply for because I have no experience...maybe I'll try anyway.
I also need to fill out the SOC one at Michigan tomorrow or so? Sigh...I do not have that much experience but I can sure try...
I can't be too picky though because my field does not pay all that much post-degree so finances do count. That and I am very lucky to have my parents helping because me taking out a ton of loans is not practical, considering I am not pursuing medicine or something which pays a lot right away (guaranteed). Sigh. Money isn't everything but sometimes it is.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
2 til SB
Didn't get much sleep last night. Got home at like 1 or so AM and took a while to fall asleep. Woke up at 7AM. Good thing I didn't work today AND took a 2 hour nap so I could be rejuvenated to study for my exam(s).
Dad and I are officially going to visit U-Michigan on Monday. I'm very excited! If I go it's gonna be incredibly expensive but I bet I'd really like it there...although Chicago is fun too...sigh...
Rain ...Tuesday-Friday ugh. Even in Kentucky (RRG) where Josh wants to us to go for a day trip/camp. Another location perhaps?
Saw the cutest squirrel today. I've seen it many times at Upham Hall. It looks like the other Miami squirrels except its back and tail are auburn colored. It's little. It was playing with a branch on the ground...it would run up to it and climb over it and then swing on it to flip upside down to the other side as if he was on a monkey bar or something.
Right after I saw this I witnessed some girl back into a parked car. I waited in case I had to get her license plate number for the guy in the car but she came out to talk to him thankfully. It was an unpleasant crunching sound as her car was MUCH bigger than his.
Took my SOC exam today. I think it went well. I am having trouble focusing for Zoo and Biochem Lab final. Ugh. I stare.
Tomorrow I'm gonna go uptown with Jennie once Biochem Lab final is over for GBD, then we both have to be productive again...well she definitely does, I just should...but may not, I don't know...
Update:
GBD was awesome. uptown at like 3pm, and like 10pm.
Dad and I are officially going to visit U-Michigan on Monday. I'm very excited! If I go it's gonna be incredibly expensive but I bet I'd really like it there...although Chicago is fun too...sigh...
Rain ...Tuesday-Friday ugh. Even in Kentucky (RRG) where Josh wants to us to go for a day trip/camp. Another location perhaps?
Saw the cutest squirrel today. I've seen it many times at Upham Hall. It looks like the other Miami squirrels except its back and tail are auburn colored. It's little. It was playing with a branch on the ground...it would run up to it and climb over it and then swing on it to flip upside down to the other side as if he was on a monkey bar or something.
Right after I saw this I witnessed some girl back into a parked car. I waited in case I had to get her license plate number for the guy in the car but she came out to talk to him thankfully. It was an unpleasant crunching sound as her car was MUCH bigger than his.
Took my SOC exam today. I think it went well. I am having trouble focusing for Zoo and Biochem Lab final. Ugh. I stare.
Tomorrow I'm gonna go uptown with Jennie once Biochem Lab final is over for GBD, then we both have to be productive again...well she definitely does, I just should...but may not, I don't know...
Update:
GBD was awesome. uptown at like 3pm, and like 10pm.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Waking up Angry
No, I am not angry right now but I was when I was awoken at like 1am by the fire alarm when I had been asleep for an hour and was having a very nice dream that I have no shot at remembering. Upon waking up I started yelling angrily, I don't remember what I said, but eventually my roommate figured out it was the fire alarm from that because she didn't know what it was. I ended up outside in flipflops...but at least I managed to put on pj pants over shorts, and wear a coat, and bring my purse with keys/phone. Wanted to make sure our door was locked so nothing was stolen. Then from the third floor it was pretty crowded tryin to get out. It was pretty chilly.
Outside, we all crowded on the sidewalk because nobody wants to stand in the snow in slippers and such. Some people were really annoying with intense hyper-ness. I might've found that annoying because I was annoyed to have been awoken to begin with. Some people were dressed funny....One guy had just gotten out of the shower so he was in a robe, but put on jeans, and then a jacket. It looked like he was wearing a skirt and then he had a blanket on his head. I wish I had brought my blanket, or had worn shoes but I couldn't really see.
Turns out it was just some girl down the hall on my floor who had burnt something in the microwave. She was really upset about it. She is probably unaware of how common it is. I think she's an international student from China? I can't tell, she never talks and I didn't even know she lived like 3 doors down from me.
There was this other girl that annoyed me. She normally never says anything but she wouldn't stop talking and laughing hysterically. And she thought the fire alarm detected flames. No. At least that's part of a fire...
I had trouble going back to sleep because my roommate kept on getting up and opening/closing the door...so I've lost 2 hours of sleep...from being outside and not being able to fall asleep. I am not particularly happy about that. Now I can't even fall back asleep even though I have some time. Ugh.
At least today should be a relatively easy day apart from all the studying and class/lab.
I hate fire alarms.
EDIT:
Later this morning I was reading something online and something said "put a ring on it." I think it had to do with the finale of The Bachelor but it reminded me what part of my dream was about. Josh sent some present in a box (I think) and I opened it to find two of the most hideous rings ever. They were gold (which is fine) but it looked like an old woman's brooch stuck on it. Maybe not as elaborate but nevertheless ugly. I was just perplexed. Not really upset, but really confused. The prettier one was too big and the uglier one fit my finger properly. maybe there was some sort of scheme behind it. Either way, they were hideous and it was a funny dream and my friends were trying to figure out what the deal was with it. Then the fire alarm woke me up so I have no idea what anything meant. Maybe I'm too particular but I bet most people would not want to wear these rings because the "bling"/design on it was HUGE. Like the width of my finger. ha ha ha.
Outside, we all crowded on the sidewalk because nobody wants to stand in the snow in slippers and such. Some people were really annoying with intense hyper-ness. I might've found that annoying because I was annoyed to have been awoken to begin with. Some people were dressed funny....One guy had just gotten out of the shower so he was in a robe, but put on jeans, and then a jacket. It looked like he was wearing a skirt and then he had a blanket on his head. I wish I had brought my blanket, or had worn shoes but I couldn't really see.
Turns out it was just some girl down the hall on my floor who had burnt something in the microwave. She was really upset about it. She is probably unaware of how common it is. I think she's an international student from China? I can't tell, she never talks and I didn't even know she lived like 3 doors down from me.
There was this other girl that annoyed me. She normally never says anything but she wouldn't stop talking and laughing hysterically. And she thought the fire alarm detected flames. No. At least that's part of a fire...
I had trouble going back to sleep because my roommate kept on getting up and opening/closing the door...so I've lost 2 hours of sleep...from being outside and not being able to fall asleep. I am not particularly happy about that. Now I can't even fall back asleep even though I have some time. Ugh.
At least today should be a relatively easy day apart from all the studying and class/lab.
I hate fire alarms.
EDIT:
Later this morning I was reading something online and something said "put a ring on it." I think it had to do with the finale of The Bachelor but it reminded me what part of my dream was about. Josh sent some present in a box (I think) and I opened it to find two of the most hideous rings ever. They were gold (which is fine) but it looked like an old woman's brooch stuck on it. Maybe not as elaborate but nevertheless ugly. I was just perplexed. Not really upset, but really confused. The prettier one was too big and the uglier one fit my finger properly. maybe there was some sort of scheme behind it. Either way, they were hideous and it was a funny dream and my friends were trying to figure out what the deal was with it. Then the fire alarm woke me up so I have no idea what anything meant. Maybe I'm too particular but I bet most people would not want to wear these rings because the "bling"/design on it was HUGE. Like the width of my finger. ha ha ha.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Being sick sucks
This congestions is annoying, coughing makes me dizzy, and sinus pressure can be painful and give me a headache. I am feeling SIGNIFICANTLY better today than the past week or so at least! I haven't been able to be that productive but at least I am well rested and soon I'm gonna hafta be super productive to catch up with work and stuff. This upcoming week is going to be hard, but then spring break! and I plan on visiting Ann Arbor because...guess what?
I got into University of Michigan's HBHE MPH program! yay!!! hellaciously expensive but we'll see if I can go there, because I like their program and the school is great.
So much to do, so little time! and I'm watching USA vs. Canada for the gold in hockey....30 seconds left...
eeeeehh....and now it's tied so there is overtime ugh....I do hope Canada wins.
Well, back to reading and watching hockey. Then a ton of notecards to study....ugh...I hate having so many exams and I wish I was doing better in school at the moment...and I wish I knew where I was going and how much in deb i'll be...and what the heck I am doing. But I will figure that out once my last exam is over this week...thursday afternoon...until then, just gotta hold on and try to get better.
P.S.
GO CANADA! 3-2 :)
I got into University of Michigan's HBHE MPH program! yay!!! hellaciously expensive but we'll see if I can go there, because I like their program and the school is great.
So much to do, so little time! and I'm watching USA vs. Canada for the gold in hockey....30 seconds left...
eeeeehh....and now it's tied so there is overtime ugh....I do hope Canada wins.
Well, back to reading and watching hockey. Then a ton of notecards to study....ugh...I hate having so many exams and I wish I was doing better in school at the moment...and I wish I knew where I was going and how much in deb i'll be...and what the heck I am doing. But I will figure that out once my last exam is over this week...thursday afternoon...until then, just gotta hold on and try to get better.
P.S.
GO CANADA! 3-2 :)
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Low on kleenex
I am quickly running out of lotion-y kleenex. Maybe I should just put lotion on kleenex myself (hehe, kidding). It is so gross. I am constantly having to blow my nose just to breathe because if I breathe too much from my mouth it makes me cough more. Thank goodness for dayquil. It is so strange because normally dayquil makes me feel functional but I barely feel so right now...so I can just imagine what I'd be like without medication, hah! But, I don't think it's dampened my spirits or anything, it just makes me rather unmotivated to study and such. Thank goodness I am not much of a procrastinator and did the papers I had due this week early so I can focus on getting some rest and studying for biochem exam (tomorrow morning!) and my presentation (tomorrow afternoon)...
Wednesday is going to be so long. I don't think I'm going to go into work tomorrow even though that means I am not making money but that also means I shouldn't be spending money like on that patagonia fleece that is like 50% off online right now...but oh...the temptation...who knows????
exam/presentation/class forever tomorrow. This will be a busy two weeks for sure. This weekend is Jocelyn's birthday so we're going out for that. I have 3 major exams next week and two papers to write, all for wednesday/thursday but wednesday I have class til like 9pm. And I really want to try to get work in next week because I am really behind on hours/money/productivity in the lab. I suppose it is a responsibility thing.
Ggggrrrr. I have no motivation to study for biochem right now. I have no idea how it will go. I am so tired and out of it even with coffee. I can't wait to breathe again! haha.
Wednesday is going to be so long. I don't think I'm going to go into work tomorrow even though that means I am not making money but that also means I shouldn't be spending money like on that patagonia fleece that is like 50% off online right now...but oh...the temptation...who knows????
exam/presentation/class forever tomorrow. This will be a busy two weeks for sure. This weekend is Jocelyn's birthday so we're going out for that. I have 3 major exams next week and two papers to write, all for wednesday/thursday but wednesday I have class til like 9pm. And I really want to try to get work in next week because I am really behind on hours/money/productivity in the lab. I suppose it is a responsibility thing.
Ggggrrrr. I have no motivation to study for biochem right now. I have no idea how it will go. I am so tired and out of it even with coffee. I can't wait to breathe again! haha.
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