So I'm talking to Kait right now about various Asian cultures. We began by talking about the Indian caste system and how strict it is but how it actually does work and now we're on to talking about the Chinese upbringing.
There are many pros and cons to it. It is driven by hard work and aim towards economic/social success.
My parents are actually a lot milder on me than a lot of other Chinese families I know. I don't know if it is because they are actually different or because of the circumstances of my upbringing (them being really busy). They don't totally fit in with the other Chinese families around here, if anything they sometimes find it annoying with how nosy they can be. But, the basic guidelines of upbringing are still present.
Parents invest everything they have in their children in order for them to be successful. This is demonstrated through school, funding school, funding productive/useful extracurricular, music lessons to be cultured, and whatever else they can manage. In turn the children need to work hard, be respectful, and responsible. Filial responsibility is assumed and unconditional. It is internalized and even if you want to get away from it and not do it it is too difficult because then it is followed by the consequences of guilt. Guilt is a big thing. Fear is also another I think.
Traditionally it doesn't take many mistakes to make great falls so mustering all efforts towards success and not making mistakes is crucial. I am so glad I don't live in China because school sounds scary. But, you end up with the stereotypical nerdy, crazy hardworking people who are socially "awkward" from a western view.
Make a mistake, its not necessarily that the mistake itself is that big of a deal but to make sure you remember it and limit the possibility of making such a mistake guilt and fear is used (from what I can tell). Bad daughter, don't use brain so it's useless, unappreciative, selfish, wasteful, etc. The reflection is blown out of perspective but once it blows over it is normal again. You forget about it for a while until something else happens. It is just a cycle. I understand what the point of it is but it is not very fun.
I am very thankful my parents aren't nearly as strict and crazy. They don't compare me to other people's kids much, they dont' freak out if I get a B and they were at least ok with the two Cs...they don't make me do nearly as much as the other kids and I've never been physically disciplined. In the past they at least talked to me more and explained stuff more, and we did have more serious conversations, not so much now with Luke because everybody is just on edge, tired, and just snaps but I am hoping in a few years things will ease up and it'll just be easier to communicate in general because that is a major flaw I have that I am aware of.
I suck at communicating about feelings. That was never emphasized growing up. One goal, one line to it, don't step off the path. It would just be a distraction. I am more aware of it as time goes by and it drives me crazy trying to figure it out and then I always feel guilty. I am tired of going through life feeling guilty so much. I probably don't need to feel nearly as bad as I do and as often but living here I know there are adjustments in my life I need to make because circumstances require it. I don't live in China, or anywhere in Asia. I don't even have that many Asians around me. Just as immigrants here need to learn English because that's the world here. You take what you can and learn to better fit in and to be more successful, not just economically, but socially. We are social beings and need to function as such.
I am trying to work on this because it is important to me and I am looking forward to positive results. I know it will only make me happier and that's also another good goal to have.
I really appreciate my parents and my upbringing as it has instilled a sense of responsibility, work ethic, drive, and attachment to my family. We just have more to work on but I'm pretty hopeful about that too. I love them dearly and I know they mean the best for me, I just have to remain calm and to not over react so much...and to not bottle my feelings up so much because that isn't healthy.
I mean the closer I am to somebody the harder it is for me to share because it sorta feels like there is more at stake. I am used to small mistakes with big consequences. Its more risk but I know without risk there is no payoff. Its just a lot to process. It's a control thing. Not sharing is like struggling to control the circumstances because I always want to know where I am going, what I'm doing, what is going on, etc. I am very particular about details...sorta drives me crazy sometimes but I mean with school stuff -- it works. It's hard to just let go but sometimes you do it because you have to and hopefully with more practice it because more natural.
Hopefully the books I downloaded on my ipod help. I mean, it can't be any worse than where I am now at least lol.
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