More often than not I've been feeling very uninspired the past few weeks. I don't feel like I'm here a lot of the time. Positive things I normally/used to feel about myself, I don't right now. I know they're not totally true things about myself but I have grounds for feeling them.
I don't feel attractive. I was doing a decent job of losing the weight I had gained and was making progress towards toning up, but now I've gone back a few blocks again. I don't know what happened, maybe it's everybody having birthdays to celebrate. I also don't feel very smart. School's been hitting me hard and I feel sort of discouraged, and I realize I will not suddenly feel motivated/driven and that it'll be a progress but I wish it would happen faster so I can just make more progress feeling normal again.
I also feel lonely, even though I know I'm not really alone. It does make me sad that I have no family within driving distance...and even flying would be a hassle. I realize I have a supportive boyfriend and friends, but I'm still by myself a lot. Sometimes that's just what I want to do and I enjoy it but sometimes I get too "comfortable" with that and even if I should be out and about, I choose not to, even though I should? I realize this is just a pity party I am throwing for myself, one that I am the host and party pooper of...
Hopefully I will feel better in the morning...hopefully I will feel productive, and that would give me some joy...to feel like I have a purpose.
I do wish I had someone to come home to, even if it's just something but I don't want to impulsively go out and bring back a pet that I'll later wish I hadn't gotten...
This is a phase, it will get better...but for now, and for a little while...it sort of sucks.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Welcome, Sunshine!
It's a beautiful day and I'm thankful for a break from school! well, mostly a break.
School has still been a struggle lately but I've been making some changes to improve my mood and life.
I replaced my bedding because my comforter-fail (flattened...) was really bothering me and I wanted something more cheery in my room...so I invested in flowery sheets and fluffy down-alternative comforter! both were on sale.
Also at Trish's birthday I got caught in the storm as I went out to get the car to bring it back to pick up my passengers at the Restaurant...and I couldn't see in the rain so I had trouble finding the car, and had trouble getting the car To the restaurant, lol. I was also really antsy so we went for a drive and went to Wal-Mart where we had adventures. We were all pretty excited...I never thought I'd actually find cute clothes at Wal-Mart...an accident, and way fun! That was a good day.
Thursday was OK too. I worked really hard to be productive and then rewarded myself with a Mimosa! i've also been consumed by my new Netflix account. There aren't quite as many shows/movies as I had hoped but that's alright. There's still plenty of good stuff!
I'm looking forward to the rest of my long Memorial day weekend. Today I'll probably go to the mall (hopefully Whit will be up for it), and tomorrow I'm headed to John Bryan to meet with Josh! I'm super excited, and have plans for what I'm making for our picnic lunch! it'll be really hot outside but at least I'll get sunshine!
I really need exercise. I am so ridiculously out of shape, it is very sad. But, I also have little self-motivation right now...maybe summer...
Anyway, I still have a lot of homework and I'm discouraged with school as it's just not going the way I want...and I'm really anxious about exams...
For now, I'll just enjoy my weekend as much as I can when I'm not doing homework :)
School has still been a struggle lately but I've been making some changes to improve my mood and life.
I replaced my bedding because my comforter-fail (flattened...) was really bothering me and I wanted something more cheery in my room...so I invested in flowery sheets and fluffy down-alternative comforter! both were on sale.
Also at Trish's birthday I got caught in the storm as I went out to get the car to bring it back to pick up my passengers at the Restaurant...and I couldn't see in the rain so I had trouble finding the car, and had trouble getting the car To the restaurant, lol. I was also really antsy so we went for a drive and went to Wal-Mart where we had adventures. We were all pretty excited...I never thought I'd actually find cute clothes at Wal-Mart...an accident, and way fun! That was a good day.
Thursday was OK too. I worked really hard to be productive and then rewarded myself with a Mimosa! i've also been consumed by my new Netflix account. There aren't quite as many shows/movies as I had hoped but that's alright. There's still plenty of good stuff!
I'm looking forward to the rest of my long Memorial day weekend. Today I'll probably go to the mall (hopefully Whit will be up for it), and tomorrow I'm headed to John Bryan to meet with Josh! I'm super excited, and have plans for what I'm making for our picnic lunch! it'll be really hot outside but at least I'll get sunshine!
I really need exercise. I am so ridiculously out of shape, it is very sad. But, I also have little self-motivation right now...maybe summer...
Anyway, I still have a lot of homework and I'm discouraged with school as it's just not going the way I want...and I'm really anxious about exams...
For now, I'll just enjoy my weekend as much as I can when I'm not doing homework :)
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
chronically anxious
My quarter has made a turn for the worse, nothing is going well for now in most of my classes.
Not cool.
I've been stressed which results in loss of appetite which leads to being tired, also not good. This also leads to more anxiety and vulnerability. I mean a lot of the stress comes from school but plenty just comes from life outside of that. That, and I feel sort of alone right now. I practically live alone and have to make decisions for two people by myself, which results in scams i have to fix. My family is now in China so if I had to turn to them, it would be really difficult. Stress, bleh...that and people sometimes just irritate me lately.
It's sorta messin with my life. Just trying to let go and chill out. so much to get done.
On the plus side, I got to spend time w Jennie (and her bro) today! it was fun. I am still feeling caffeinated.
I've really missed her. Good to have her home.
Not cool.
I've been stressed which results in loss of appetite which leads to being tired, also not good. This also leads to more anxiety and vulnerability. I mean a lot of the stress comes from school but plenty just comes from life outside of that. That, and I feel sort of alone right now. I practically live alone and have to make decisions for two people by myself, which results in scams i have to fix. My family is now in China so if I had to turn to them, it would be really difficult. Stress, bleh...that and people sometimes just irritate me lately.
It's sorta messin with my life. Just trying to let go and chill out. so much to get done.
On the plus side, I got to spend time w Jennie (and her bro) today! it was fun. I am still feeling caffeinated.
I've really missed her. Good to have her home.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Welcome to Skype, Luke!
Haha, this is what I did instead of studying for my biostats exam at 830am. Oh goody...hahahaha...
Time to studyy! and I'm all packed for the weekend! just about anyway...gotta put up with the fans from the "flood" still though...Yeah, that happened. Not as bad this time, just water in the kitchen...it came from the THIRD floor this time. At least our maintenance is on site and awesome. They came in the middle of the night on...Monday?
Monday, May 9, 2011
Organized and prepped for the new week!
Have all my paperwork for my ODH job completed and packaged in a large envelope...all ready to be mailed out! I'll do that on the way to campus.
I love how organized my life is/can be right now. I love how easy it was to transfer my itunes from my pc to my mac...then again itunes is an apple product.
It is such a beautiful day! I'm looking forward to the week (apart from my biostat midterm). I'll get to go home to Oxford this weekend, too!
Looking forward to what my life has in store for me.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
chunk of apple
Update.
I GOT A PAID INTERNSHIP!
I will be working at the Ohio Department of Health downtown for the Bureau of Early Intervention Services as a "college intern." Got the paperwork from them today, filled it all out and am having one of my professors write a recommendation letter for me (she was really excited to do so!).
I don't remember if I mentioned it on here, but I've told this to many people...as soon as I secured a paying position I was going to invest in a new laptop as my current one was dyiing slowly. It has lived a good life, although most of it was a struggle because I like to tinker and it just started off with issues. My Sony Vaio lived four years. It is still alive, it will still be used for certain things...but now...
I have the new macbook pro.
13.3"
It is so beautiful. I have been looking at prices and doing research for like 6 months. It was due time. Of course, I was really overwhelmed when I was at the store because I have never put this much money down on something. I mean, I haven't had to before I guess. Anyway, before tax = $999 @ Microcenter and I got a laptop sleeve (laptop blanket, lol). Total together? like $1088 (after tax).
I managed to find an awesome macbook pro for 200$ less than retail! good deal, for sure. Josh cannot dispute that, even though I am sure he will still make fun of me if just for the sake of making fun of me. That's ok, I didn't do anything wrong and if anything I did get a good deal for a great computer with amazing battery life.
I spend so much time doing schoolwork that I end up cooped up in a room...now I have freedom! I can do homework outside as long as it is not raining. Makes me feel less lame, for sure.
This will be put to great use this summer with my two positions, both consisting of a lot of projects. I will have a lot of writing and research to do!
This is why I got Evernote. Great app thru Apple where I can organize various notebooks containing web links, photos dragged in, text, etc. It will be great this summer as I have to do research on many assessment tools for domestic violence, childhood obesity, etc.
So much to do! I should be working on homework, especially since I now have an awesome snazzy new computer but I am also very tired and trying not to get sick because everybody has been sick this week.
Next weekend I will be home. Seeing my parents off. That will be sad. But, I will get to see them and I will get to finally spend time with Josh! hopefully by then we both feel healthy.
I've had a good day. Macbook pro, productive, good conversation, and swans/canadian geese/swallows outside with good weather! Beautiful
I GOT A PAID INTERNSHIP!
I will be working at the Ohio Department of Health downtown for the Bureau of Early Intervention Services as a "college intern." Got the paperwork from them today, filled it all out and am having one of my professors write a recommendation letter for me (she was really excited to do so!).
I don't remember if I mentioned it on here, but I've told this to many people...as soon as I secured a paying position I was going to invest in a new laptop as my current one was dyiing slowly. It has lived a good life, although most of it was a struggle because I like to tinker and it just started off with issues. My Sony Vaio lived four years. It is still alive, it will still be used for certain things...but now...
I have the new macbook pro.
13.3"
It is so beautiful. I have been looking at prices and doing research for like 6 months. It was due time. Of course, I was really overwhelmed when I was at the store because I have never put this much money down on something. I mean, I haven't had to before I guess. Anyway, before tax = $999 @ Microcenter and I got a laptop sleeve (laptop blanket, lol). Total together? like $1088 (after tax).
I managed to find an awesome macbook pro for 200$ less than retail! good deal, for sure. Josh cannot dispute that, even though I am sure he will still make fun of me if just for the sake of making fun of me. That's ok, I didn't do anything wrong and if anything I did get a good deal for a great computer with amazing battery life.
I spend so much time doing schoolwork that I end up cooped up in a room...now I have freedom! I can do homework outside as long as it is not raining. Makes me feel less lame, for sure.
This will be put to great use this summer with my two positions, both consisting of a lot of projects. I will have a lot of writing and research to do!
This is why I got Evernote. Great app thru Apple where I can organize various notebooks containing web links, photos dragged in, text, etc. It will be great this summer as I have to do research on many assessment tools for domestic violence, childhood obesity, etc.
So much to do! I should be working on homework, especially since I now have an awesome snazzy new computer but I am also very tired and trying not to get sick because everybody has been sick this week.
Next weekend I will be home. Seeing my parents off. That will be sad. But, I will get to see them and I will get to finally spend time with Josh! hopefully by then we both feel healthy.
I've had a good day. Macbook pro, productive, good conversation, and swans/canadian geese/swallows outside with good weather! Beautiful
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