Uninspired

More often than not I've been feeling very uninspired the past few weeks.  I don't feel like I'm here a lot of the time.  Positive things I normally/used to feel about myself, I don't right now.  I know they're not totally true things about myself but I have grounds for feeling them.

I don't feel attractive.  I was doing a decent job of losing the weight I had gained and was making progress towards toning up, but now I've gone back a few blocks again.  I don't know what happened, maybe it's everybody having birthdays to celebrate.  I also don't feel very smart.  School's been hitting me hard and I feel sort of discouraged, and I realize I will not suddenly feel motivated/driven and that it'll be a progress but I wish it would happen faster so I can just make more progress feeling normal again.

I also feel lonely, even though I know I'm not really alone.  It does make me sad that I have no family within driving distance...and even flying would be a hassle.  I realize I have a supportive boyfriend and friends, but I'm still by myself a lot.  Sometimes that's just what I want to do and I enjoy it but sometimes I get too "comfortable" with that and even if I should be out and about, I choose not to, even though I should?  I realize this is just a pity party I am throwing for myself, one that I am the host and party pooper of...

Hopefully I will feel better in the morning...hopefully I will feel productive, and that would give me some joy...to feel like I have a purpose.

I do wish I had someone to come home to, even if it's just something but I don't want to impulsively go out and bring back a pet that I'll later wish I hadn't gotten...

This is a phase, it will get better...but for now, and for a little while...it sort of sucks.