Sleek

Now that I am moving in 18 days I've just been thinking more.  I am very used to moving, moving is normal to me in a way.  From what I can tell, everywhere I live is about the same, it just depends what I do with it because until Columbus it was just the same because I mostly had my parents and now Luke but then I had good friends.

At least I have good luck with friends.  Other than that? Oh, I've had some wiiiiiiiinners (eye roll).

Up until the past two years or so I was a very optimistic person.  I'm still pretty optimistic but not anything like before. I had energy out the wazoo up until a few years after I moved to Oxford.  Over the years I had to deal with people that my being so optimistic was just fake, or that I needed to be more realistic, then I was not optimistic enough, then I needed to be realistic, then I just got worn down. Partly my own fault but there is some truth to it.  The world isn't full of rainbows. Although, I'd say I'm still pretty lucky nothing terrible has happened in my life but I have become more aware of things although sometimes that makes me rather paranoid and frustrated because Everybody experiences life differently and thus results in differing and sometimes conflicting perspectives.  Sometimes it just comes down to how supportive somebody will be or if they'll just invalidate all that you say because of their truth.  Truth, is it really true? Life is very ambiguous because you can't know everything.  You can really only know life from your own perspective, you cannot account for what somebody else experiences and cannot assume that what you are being told is even true.  I guess I'm rather skeptical but sometimes it is very useful but I just have to try not to let it get in the way of life.

So where does this bring us now? Well...with moving...I cannot keep in touch with EVERYBODY but I'd say I do a pretty good job of keeping in touch with a lot of people from experience but I'm not as good at it anymore.  Right now, online, I maybe talk to 5 or so regulars versus the like 20 before at a time.  But, I take life a lot more seriously now and I can't keep track of things as well because my individual thoughts take more energy than before because it is necessary to be more thorough.  I know it's coming that there are many I won't see again or much.  When it comes down to it, there are core friends that I want to keep in touch with and hopefully see as much as I can because when it comes to fundamental variables, they're there.  Friends I want to have for life. Other than that, I don't want to spend much energy on people here as I leave because really? there are others I want to see more of and I want to take advantage of the limited time.  This is not meant to be mean and not to meant to be taken personally because I mean I know people do the same to me and that doesn't bother me.  It is normal to grow apart and to not really talk anymore.  I can't drag the past around too long, or at least I try not to. Some people are just too much right now. So I guess I am starting the process early because I know what's coming.

I am excited to move, to start over, but I'm also a little anxious because I know that this move will be different from the past.

Hm.

well, today was pretty busy so far.

Haircut (took a while, but it's nice and sleek), late lunch with Josh (he didn't eat bc he already ate lunch I guess) that felt sorta odd...I didn't feel quite there...enough on mind lately amongst other things, then went to my gyno appointment.  Haha, a girl shadowed the gyno today. Fellow OSU student. haha. It was a crowded room, 4 people total. Hm...

Then went to the Library to pick up more movies for Luke.

Taking a break before I go to some Peruvian restaurant w Jaylene.

Nice day? I think so.