I realize that sometimes I am insecure because there is so much unknown to me. I have trouble trusting but it continues to improve so I am hopeful. I am trying my best to focus on good things, just acknowledge the bad, and hope for the best. that may be all I can do anyway. sometimes freedom is taken advantage of but I hope it isn't and that I can trust because I want to and I will try. people aren't always happy but that is a choice we work at. I am not giving up because I wouldn't want to be given up on and I care. it is too easy to overlook the ways people show they care, I am trying to just be grateful for the good things and work toward the better.
it has been a good weekend, apart from the stupid choice of piggyback ride which resulted in bruises and cuts that are rather inconvenient.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Stand by family
Well, yesterday was good. Worked all day and I think the formulin fumes must have not been taken up totally by the hood because I was feeling nauseous and a little sickly/headachy. It rained, went to wal-mart and kroger to get travel-sized stuff then went over to Josh's. We read for a while and then decided to go to the mall. Didn't figure out what mall to go to for a while on the road, then decided on Kenwood as it's been a while and traffic shouldn't be bad. Then, neither of us remembered how to get there BUT, thankfully there are two Cincinnati maps in my car. We got there in good time, with Josh pushing the Camry as much as it could go...it's not meant to be driven very fast so it would only go so fast...either way, we made really good time. I am glad I am capable of reading a map. Kenwood was nice, he found a lot of things to put on his "shopping list" as in to come back later and get. There were a lot of neat things and the mall is pretty. I bought a shirt from Express. I didn't even bother trying it on because I was just taken with it. I saw it and instantly went "I want that." That doesn't happen all that often.
Here it is. The flowers are 3-D and it's like individual petals that sorta flop around. They go really well with my hot pink guess shorts. Outfit of the day.
I have yet to find black pumps I like, and maybe more dress sandals/shoes. Definitely replacement metallic flats at some point, pref. Steve Madden because they last a while and fit me well. Umm...apart from that I am hoping to get a clutch/wallet from Fossil sometime when they get new stuff in, something with maybe a credit-card wallet and can hold my phone and maybe even my camera. Something durable, not easy to fade, and maybe leather. That, and I like Fossil watches and some of their accessories.
Cheesecake factory is delicious. So delicious.
Still haven't watched that movie yet but that's OK.
Today has been eventful enough. It's sort of hard to sleep when I am at home because everybody goes to bed before I get home and then wake up before I do so it's noisy, and sometimes I end up just waking up because of it. I also woke up a bunch last night, maybe due to dreams. But, it was mildly stressful.
There were visitors today. They drove up from Mississippi (fun to type) because their old house here isn't sold and the people who were renting it sorta wrecked it and they have to deal with that. Anyway they have two little boys who I personally think are total brats. They're a few years older than Luke and refused to play with him which upset him. Then they'd bully and blame everything on him. Of course he will throw things at them if they come up to his face and threaten to throw things at him. What do they have to prove? Yelling at a kid who has no idea what you are saying is not very nice. Blaming him for breaking toys that were broken to begin iwth is not cool. Then we were at some other kid's house and they had a lot of toys, thankfully their little boy (Also Luke so we'll refer to him as Big Luke even though he's probably like 9y/o) is well mannered. I mean Luke did make a mess but he did help clean some of it up later, but not all of it was his fault. The other little boys made a mess of the living room, at least Luke stayed in the playroom. Big Luke just went, "Oh, that's not broken." and "I can fix that" and "you don't have to clean that up" He's a lot more well mannered and doesn't just tattle. Unless you saw it happen and be broken you cannot prove anything. It is not nice to put the blame on somebody who can't defend himself so I had to. Luke was nice to help clean up and at least their mother knows that it wasn't all his fault and that her children bullied him, but they bully each other too so she understood. Poor Luke. He's my baby brother and no matter what happens I'd stand by him. I know he can be a handful sometimes but he was pretty well behaved while he was there. At least he played by himself in that room for like an hour just running trains around. He only made a mess because he was searching for hotwheels cars and trains that were probably in the bottom of some box.
Even at such a young age, there is conflict haha.
What to do with the rest of my day? I don't know. I've been trying to figure out if Josh's parents need help moving stuff but I don't know when that's supposed to be...
Going to the Air Force museum in Dayton tomorrow with my family. We've never been so that should be fun. Luke is gonna be so excited to see all those airplanes, it'll be good. It better be open.
I have yet to find black pumps I like, and maybe more dress sandals/shoes. Definitely replacement metallic flats at some point, pref. Steve Madden because they last a while and fit me well. Umm...apart from that I am hoping to get a clutch/wallet from Fossil sometime when they get new stuff in, something with maybe a credit-card wallet and can hold my phone and maybe even my camera. Something durable, not easy to fade, and maybe leather. That, and I like Fossil watches and some of their accessories.
Cheesecake factory is delicious. So delicious.
Still haven't watched that movie yet but that's OK.
Today has been eventful enough. It's sort of hard to sleep when I am at home because everybody goes to bed before I get home and then wake up before I do so it's noisy, and sometimes I end up just waking up because of it. I also woke up a bunch last night, maybe due to dreams. But, it was mildly stressful.
There were visitors today. They drove up from Mississippi (fun to type) because their old house here isn't sold and the people who were renting it sorta wrecked it and they have to deal with that. Anyway they have two little boys who I personally think are total brats. They're a few years older than Luke and refused to play with him which upset him. Then they'd bully and blame everything on him. Of course he will throw things at them if they come up to his face and threaten to throw things at him. What do they have to prove? Yelling at a kid who has no idea what you are saying is not very nice. Blaming him for breaking toys that were broken to begin iwth is not cool. Then we were at some other kid's house and they had a lot of toys, thankfully their little boy (Also Luke so we'll refer to him as Big Luke even though he's probably like 9y/o) is well mannered. I mean Luke did make a mess but he did help clean some of it up later, but not all of it was his fault. The other little boys made a mess of the living room, at least Luke stayed in the playroom. Big Luke just went, "Oh, that's not broken." and "I can fix that" and "you don't have to clean that up" He's a lot more well mannered and doesn't just tattle. Unless you saw it happen and be broken you cannot prove anything. It is not nice to put the blame on somebody who can't defend himself so I had to. Luke was nice to help clean up and at least their mother knows that it wasn't all his fault and that her children bullied him, but they bully each other too so she understood. Poor Luke. He's my baby brother and no matter what happens I'd stand by him. I know he can be a handful sometimes but he was pretty well behaved while he was there. At least he played by himself in that room for like an hour just running trains around. He only made a mess because he was searching for hotwheels cars and trains that were probably in the bottom of some box.
Even at such a young age, there is conflict haha.
What to do with the rest of my day? I don't know. I've been trying to figure out if Josh's parents need help moving stuff but I don't know when that's supposed to be...
Going to the Air Force museum in Dayton tomorrow with my family. We've never been so that should be fun. Luke is gonna be so excited to see all those airplanes, it'll be good. It better be open.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Tired part 2
It's been a pretty good day. Worked a full day in the lab counting Daphnia depth profile samples...the usual. Hiked w Josh and had dinner with his family. Stayed there really late. Didn't get to watch the movie, but that's OK. There are other opportunities. I find that if I stay immobile and inactive for too long it's hard to come back from that, especially since I don't really have any mental motivation to get myself to do much after a certain point as my mental capacities have been hindered by work. It's not like my jobs are difficult, its just sometimes straining on the brain. At one, it's a lot of counting, measuring, and focusing on small moving objects for hours without moving. At the other, it's a bit on edge trying to prepare myself for any situation that comes up and thinking on my toes, or seat, rather, for hours. I can't really move my body around to keep active so I don't get too worn out from just my brain moving around so by the end I just get tired and sore from sitting still so long. I've tried fidgeting and that helps some, but not enough. I've been trying to deal with my shoulders with self-massaging but that only helps a little. It's just so draining spending all my time pleasing others and before long I feel like I've spent it all on everybody else. Even though I know it sucks getting calls like those they should at least know that we're trying our best to please them and do our job. Maybe I should spend some of that energy on myself, haha. I am hoping that more sleep this weekend will help. More likely than not it's not going to turn out as expected. Plans often don't. Solution? stop expecting, haha.
But, I'm not unhappy or anything right now, just worn out and need something refreshing because I am feeling uninspired and slow.
But, I'm not unhappy or anything right now, just worn out and need something refreshing because I am feeling uninspired and slow.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Tired
Job2 is quite frustrating at times. I am very tired, physically, mentally, and maybe emotionally. But, hey, making some money and sometimes you do what you gotta do because it's your job.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian. ~Dennis Wholey
Besides, what would be fair? I understand where the prospects are coming from so I don't blame them at all for their reactions and I sympathize with them as well (or try) but sometimes it just sucks to be at the receiving end because I don't have the power to make any real changes and all I can do is my job and try to be a good person. I am looking forward to Wednesday at least...
Little Acton Adventure
Got to work at around 8:30am. Chitchatted, and then headed out to Acton lake with Allie (from our lab) and the Other lab. Old blue was ... old, but still dependable. Old blue is the truck we took. Well, it was a beautiful day and still is! Allie and I got there first and we kept on hearing splashing which made us nervous. We eventually found that huge fish were jumping around, flailing against the docks, bottoms of pontoon boats, and sides of the cement. We didn't know if they were mating, spawning, dying, feeding, or just crazy. Some of the fish were HUGE! like 2.5 feet long probably. Anyway, we all got distracted for a while. It was really hot out on the boat by the outflow and I covered the floor with water so my feet wouldn't burn. It was really nice being out there and I saw about 4 different types of beautiful butterflies out on the lake. One was on the boat and would just land on people and not fly away even when they walked around, so it was sort of in our way. But, it was very pretty. There was also a zebra swallow tail that kept on getting in my face but it was also very pretty. On the way back to the inflow a huge blue heron flew really close to us, and we saw a bunch of turtles sunbathing. It was a good day to observe nature, enjoy good company, and soak up some rays! Once we docked...we couldn't get the gate open to get off the dock. We had issues with the lock so we climbed around the fence and swung the pontoon boat to the side and just used the boat to load stuff from the dock, onto the boat, and onto the other side to get to the truck...right after we finished figuring this stuff out (very heavy coolers and such btw)...the lock was finally able to be opened. Everybody tried once or twice and I guess it took another try..Hey, at least we know that if we are desperate, we can figure out a way out for ourselves.
So job 1 was good. Job 3 was unattainable as I will not be staying at Miami. Also, Movie Gallery is closing out. I need to remember to go by and check it out to see if there are good dvd deals. Yay. Which reminds me, I wonder where my Nintendo DS Lite is. Maybe I can get games for it. I need to be less scattered and keep track of where my stuff is!...taking a break before dinner and Job 2! I hope it is as successful as last night because I actually really enjoyed work last night.
So job 1 was good. Job 3 was unattainable as I will not be staying at Miami. Also, Movie Gallery is closing out. I need to remember to go by and check it out to see if there are good dvd deals. Yay. Which reminds me, I wonder where my Nintendo DS Lite is. Maybe I can get games for it. I need to be less scattered and keep track of where my stuff is!...taking a break before dinner and Job 2! I hope it is as successful as last night because I actually really enjoyed work last night.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
the Price to Pay
A LOT of photos have been lost during the move to xp. A lot of 2009 and all of 2010. THANK GOODNESS I facebooked a lot of the photos...
Quality won't be as good but it's better than nothing.
I now no longer have a photo of Josh passed out on the sidewalk. Maybe it is better that way.
I need to remind myself to get red river gorge photos and such from Josh cus I remember I gave him a copy, amongst other photos. Let's see what he has when he comes back.
GAHHHH FACEBOOK SAVED THE DAY because I am so careless...I need to back stuff up better. Maybe I should get an external harddrive. That'd be awesome.
sigh.
Quality won't be as good but it's better than nothing.
I now no longer have a photo of Josh passed out on the sidewalk. Maybe it is better that way.
I need to remind myself to get red river gorge photos and such from Josh cus I remember I gave him a copy, amongst other photos. Let's see what he has when he comes back.
GAHHHH FACEBOOK SAVED THE DAY because I am so careless...I need to back stuff up better. Maybe I should get an external harddrive. That'd be awesome.
sigh.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Hello,XP-Pro
OMG. I have slaved over my computer all day and night.
1) Made sure I knew what I was doing - at least somewhat?
2) got dad's external harddrive and xp service pack 2
3) backed everything up (i failed one bit as i find out later)
4) converted vista to xp-professional
5)spent forever getting that set up
6) put my programs on the computer
7) put files on computer
8) didn't have sound
9) sony failed to supply proper drivers for audio
10)searched for suitable ones -- success
11)itunes music was messed up, playlists were wacked out, stuff was missing, stuff wasn't organized...
12) had to redownload a crapload of stuff and deauthorize computers and re-authorize my own for my previously purchased itunes stuff.
13) reorganized music after finding every single missing song again and putting them in their right place
14) in process of consolidating library so hopefully it is less of a hassle if this ever has to happen again
15) couldn't see chinese characters in the web browser but with the help of a cd I can now! yayy...
I am so tired.
This is what I did with my day apart from play with Luke all morning. I feel a great sense of accomplishment and exhaustion right now, hahahaha.
1) Made sure I knew what I was doing - at least somewhat?
2) got dad's external harddrive and xp service pack 2
3) backed everything up (i failed one bit as i find out later)
4) converted vista to xp-professional
5)spent forever getting that set up
6) put my programs on the computer
7) put files on computer
8) didn't have sound
9) sony failed to supply proper drivers for audio
10)searched for suitable ones -- success
11)itunes music was messed up, playlists were wacked out, stuff was missing, stuff wasn't organized...
12) had to redownload a crapload of stuff and deauthorize computers and re-authorize my own for my previously purchased itunes stuff.
13) reorganized music after finding every single missing song again and putting them in their right place
14) in process of consolidating library so hopefully it is less of a hassle if this ever has to happen again
15) couldn't see chinese characters in the web browser but with the help of a cd I can now! yayy...
I am so tired.
This is what I did with my day apart from play with Luke all morning. I feel a great sense of accomplishment and exhaustion right now, hahahaha.
59 in 24
during the 24 hours of my birthday there have been 59 birthday wishes (fb), 61 counting parents though.
Sorta interesting how easy it is to say happy birthday on facebook because facebook tells you it is somebody's birthday. There isn't much effort required, no need to go out of the way, it tells you, and it is instant. But, that also tells you how many people check facebook...which is a lot, myself included.
Anyway, it has been a pretty good day. I found some prospects of apartments in Columbus and am still searching.
Mom and Luke went for a walk without telling me while I was upstairs then it started storming so I freaked out because I didn't know where they were. Drove around neighbourhood and to the nearby park. Not there. Called Dad and he didn't know where they could've gone. Then decided to drive to Kroger. Got soaking wet even with a raincoat. Quite a downpour. Found them at Kroger. Luke was happily looking at all the cars he was about to buy. Hot wheels was on sale. He got 13 cars. He actually eventually said he didn't want anymore, then he told my mom to get bananas cus we were running out. Cute. Mom then told him that they couldn't go home yet because it was raining too hard (she didn't know I was going to come find them) and he said they could go home because they had an umbrella. Luke is cute. Anyway, I got there. Luke price-scanned everything for fun. Got more groceries because they now had a car to put it in. Gave some old chinese man a ride home (father of somebody my mom knows?) and they were horrible at giving me directions to where he lived which frustrated me and got me snappy cus I was tired and had to go find them. When people say turn, it helps to know where...and not changing minds a lot. Back seat drivers are not cool. Anyway, finally got home. Chilled.
Dinner uptown at Wild Bistro. Caught up with Laura mostly and we watched the new Shrek movie which was really cute. I've really missed Laura while she has been gone and it was so good to see her!
Shrek reminded me of something. You don't know how good you have it until it is gone.
Happy birthday to me!
P.S. Didn't get OPC Job because training is too much time/investment for such a short availability. Maybe they'll have a rec rental job opening. Found a possible job 3 working at print center. Will pick up application Monday. Hope they are still available by then as they posted on my birthday. It starts immediately and goes to July at like 10hours/wk which is great. I wont bother figuring out the details unless I can actually get the job I guess...like what days I'd have to work or if I can choose...or something like that.
Sorta interesting how easy it is to say happy birthday on facebook because facebook tells you it is somebody's birthday. There isn't much effort required, no need to go out of the way, it tells you, and it is instant. But, that also tells you how many people check facebook...which is a lot, myself included.
Anyway, it has been a pretty good day. I found some prospects of apartments in Columbus and am still searching.
Mom and Luke went for a walk without telling me while I was upstairs then it started storming so I freaked out because I didn't know where they were. Drove around neighbourhood and to the nearby park. Not there. Called Dad and he didn't know where they could've gone. Then decided to drive to Kroger. Got soaking wet even with a raincoat. Quite a downpour. Found them at Kroger. Luke was happily looking at all the cars he was about to buy. Hot wheels was on sale. He got 13 cars. He actually eventually said he didn't want anymore, then he told my mom to get bananas cus we were running out. Cute. Mom then told him that they couldn't go home yet because it was raining too hard (she didn't know I was going to come find them) and he said they could go home because they had an umbrella. Luke is cute. Anyway, I got there. Luke price-scanned everything for fun. Got more groceries because they now had a car to put it in. Gave some old chinese man a ride home (father of somebody my mom knows?) and they were horrible at giving me directions to where he lived which frustrated me and got me snappy cus I was tired and had to go find them. When people say turn, it helps to know where...and not changing minds a lot. Back seat drivers are not cool. Anyway, finally got home. Chilled.
Dinner uptown at Wild Bistro. Caught up with Laura mostly and we watched the new Shrek movie which was really cute. I've really missed Laura while she has been gone and it was so good to see her!
Shrek reminded me of something. You don't know how good you have it until it is gone.
Happy birthday to me!
P.S. Didn't get OPC Job because training is too much time/investment for such a short availability. Maybe they'll have a rec rental job opening. Found a possible job 3 working at print center. Will pick up application Monday. Hope they are still available by then as they posted on my birthday. It starts immediately and goes to July at like 10hours/wk which is great. I wont bother figuring out the details unless I can actually get the job I guess...like what days I'd have to work or if I can choose...or something like that.
Friday, May 21, 2010
I'm glad I don't smoke.
http://www.acsh.org/healthissues/newsID.646/healthissue_detail.asp
"Cigarette smoking significantly alters concentrations of the sex hormone testosterone, growth hormone, and other hormones in men. Male cigarette smokers have less testosterone than do male nonsmokers. Men with low testosterone concentrations have a lower sex drive and lower sperm counts than do those with normal or high concentrations of the hormone."
"In one large study, researchers found that ectopic pregnancy—extra-uterine implantation and development of a fertilized ovum—is 2-4 times likelier among women who smoke cigarettes than among those who do not smoke. The fallopian tubes are the most common sites of ectopic pregnancy. If it is not detected early, ectopic pregnancy can result in fallopian-tube rupture and even death"
"Evidence from numerous studies suggests that cigarette smoking adversely affects the immune system. Some scientists have speculated that such changes may result in infertility through an increase in the frequency of fallopian-tube infection."
Gross. Hm, I think I read somewhere before that tobacco lowered estrogen levels and increased menstrual irregularity too. As if menstruation isn't annoying enough as it is. haha.
"Cigarette smoking significantly alters concentrations of the sex hormone testosterone, growth hormone, and other hormones in men. Male cigarette smokers have less testosterone than do male nonsmokers. Men with low testosterone concentrations have a lower sex drive and lower sperm counts than do those with normal or high concentrations of the hormone."
"In one large study, researchers found that ectopic pregnancy—extra-uterine implantation and development of a fertilized ovum—is 2-4 times likelier among women who smoke cigarettes than among those who do not smoke. The fallopian tubes are the most common sites of ectopic pregnancy. If it is not detected early, ectopic pregnancy can result in fallopian-tube rupture and even death"
"Of the approximately 140,000 cases of miscarriage per year in the United States, approximately 19,000 have been attributed to cigarette smoking."
Gross. Hm, I think I read somewhere before that tobacco lowered estrogen levels and increased menstrual irregularity too. As if menstruation isn't annoying enough as it is. haha.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Good birthday so far
Let's focus on the good things about today.
Dentist likes my teeth, dental hygienist likes my glasses.
I took a nap. First nap of the summer! first two because I fell asleep twice? Felt very sleepy and content all day.
Dinner at Olive Garden with Josh. Lazed around. Hot chocolate.
Flowers from Josh are very pretty.
Let's hope I get Job #3 tomorrow after interview! I should clean my room! Dinner with friends yayyy.
Dentist likes my teeth, dental hygienist likes my glasses.
I took a nap. First nap of the summer! first two because I fell asleep twice? Felt very sleepy and content all day.
Dinner at Olive Garden with Josh. Lazed around. Hot chocolate.
Flowers from Josh are very pretty.
Let's hope I get Job #3 tomorrow after interview! I should clean my room! Dinner with friends yayyy.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Worth
How is the worth of an individual determined? by what they feel about themselves? in comparison to others? by what others value in you? All? It is very complicated or does it even matter?
I believe I am worth something.
I hope I have worth to others as a person. of character though, not materially.
Job 1 done, lunch done,stuff, dinner, then job 2. I feel like I need more because they are short term and just minimally part time. I need to make money. I would like to be able to afford life.
I need to control my spending more. Whatever financial problems that come up I know I am responsible for. It is my fault no matter how my mind may want to pin it on other circumstances I know it is my own responsibility and consequences come back to me. I just need to be strong and keep my priorities straight and take care of myself because somebody has to, right? I hope I make it because I feel like my jobs are just going to be about catering to others and I hope I don't lose myself because I've got to be able to support myself and my sanity. When I am tired I know I'm going to feel really needy and will just want comfort. I do not expect to have it relieved but I do think I can do it...hopefully without going crazy.
Everybody's got their own issues and I don't expect anybody to have to deal with mine because I know they're my problems but they are only problems if I let them be so...I am going to need to learn how to deal with the things that come up and not let myself get down :). I know I can do it, I just have to do it!
Hm, interview rescheduled for Friday, on my birthday, for Job #3. I hope I get the job! money is useful...and I need to save.
I believe I am worth something.
I hope I have worth to others as a person. of character though, not materially.
Job 1 done, lunch done,stuff, dinner, then job 2. I feel like I need more because they are short term and just minimally part time. I need to make money. I would like to be able to afford life.
I need to control my spending more. Whatever financial problems that come up I know I am responsible for. It is my fault no matter how my mind may want to pin it on other circumstances I know it is my own responsibility and consequences come back to me. I just need to be strong and keep my priorities straight and take care of myself because somebody has to, right? I hope I make it because I feel like my jobs are just going to be about catering to others and I hope I don't lose myself because I've got to be able to support myself and my sanity. When I am tired I know I'm going to feel really needy and will just want comfort. I do not expect to have it relieved but I do think I can do it...hopefully without going crazy.
Everybody's got their own issues and I don't expect anybody to have to deal with mine because I know they're my problems but they are only problems if I let them be so...I am going to need to learn how to deal with the things that come up and not let myself get down :). I know I can do it, I just have to do it!
Hm, interview rescheduled for Friday, on my birthday, for Job #3. I hope I get the job! money is useful...and I need to save.
Monday, May 17, 2010
First day of work: a doozy
According to urbandictionary.com a doozy is something that is difficult. Others defined it as something outstanding of its kind.
My day was definitely something.
Got to work by like 8:30am which means I had to wake up at like 7am to get stuff ready and organized. I was sorta out of it (which turned out for the worse later). I parked on Vine street and it took some walking to Pearson cus I don't have a parking tag thing. Well, we went out to Acton lake for sampling. It rained. It was cold. We were soaking wet.
Then I lost my drivers license somewhere but I didn't know this til we got back to Miami. It was originally in my raincoat.
I went back to Hueston woods.
It was not there.
Called Dad, Josh, and Boss at my second job (Telehawks) to inform him of my problem as I'd have to be late...which he sounded OK with.
Called Josh to go to my house and drive me to Hamilton to get my new drivers license.
I am very glad he didn't have to work today (thanks to rain...yet rain sorta screwed stuff up too...)
Picture turned out awful. I really hope I don't look like that and everybody at work thought it didn't. I guess that is some consolation. Being wet from rain, sleepy and just very perplexed makes for horrible pictures. Paid $25.50 for that thing and I'm stuck with it for three years unless I lose it again. This will be a constant reminder to not take pictures when not presentable. And to not be an idiot and lose stuff. It will remind me of that. I need to find a better system of keeping track of my stuff or just keep my head screwed on cus I feel all over the place today.
Anyway, we stopped for lunch cus we were starving...even though it made me more late, but not by all that much.
Went to Telehawks. Was late enough that they were too far ahead in training and I was just to come back for phase 2 of training which began at 6:00pm. Well, at this time it was like 3 or so pm. Now what?
Went back to Pearson to do some counting in the lab. Might as well make some money, right? Did this for about two hours or so...then got a call from Fei to call her boss for a possible third job.
Went over to fill out an application and I now have an interview at 3pm Tomorrow, Tuesday for the Outdoor Pursuit Center as a Facilitator. I hope I get it. The money would be nice and it'd be a break from my other jobs.
Then I got a strawberries and cream frapp and a coffee cake...then went to work again.
Training was long and tedious. At least I'm not the only one who feels lost and I know like 2 people. It will Not be an easy job, but I think it could be a good experience. I'll definitely learn how to be more persuasive and persistent...sigh.
I am exhausted. I am physically tired from the walking all over the place, to and from car forever, around looking for my drivers license, and of course from work on the boat collecting samples. My brain is tired from all the confusion of the day, being sleepy, and training for job 2.
Can't fall apart yet! so much to do! Need to make money and figure out my life! I hope I don't go in over my head and just get too swamped. I need to try to figure out how to keep my priorities straight but I might have to wait to do that when I am not so busy...like maybe this weekend? although I might be helping Josh's parents pack stuff. Hm..LISTS.
Stupid rain messing up the day. But at least it was an interesting day. And Now I am stuck with a drivers license I dislike but it'll always remind me to not be so stupid.
My day was definitely something.
Got to work by like 8:30am which means I had to wake up at like 7am to get stuff ready and organized. I was sorta out of it (which turned out for the worse later). I parked on Vine street and it took some walking to Pearson cus I don't have a parking tag thing. Well, we went out to Acton lake for sampling. It rained. It was cold. We were soaking wet.
Then I lost my drivers license somewhere but I didn't know this til we got back to Miami. It was originally in my raincoat.
I went back to Hueston woods.
It was not there.
Called Dad, Josh, and Boss at my second job (Telehawks) to inform him of my problem as I'd have to be late...which he sounded OK with.
Called Josh to go to my house and drive me to Hamilton to get my new drivers license.
I am very glad he didn't have to work today (thanks to rain...yet rain sorta screwed stuff up too...)
Picture turned out awful. I really hope I don't look like that and everybody at work thought it didn't. I guess that is some consolation. Being wet from rain, sleepy and just very perplexed makes for horrible pictures. Paid $25.50 for that thing and I'm stuck with it for three years unless I lose it again. This will be a constant reminder to not take pictures when not presentable. And to not be an idiot and lose stuff. It will remind me of that. I need to find a better system of keeping track of my stuff or just keep my head screwed on cus I feel all over the place today.
Anyway, we stopped for lunch cus we were starving...even though it made me more late, but not by all that much.
Went to Telehawks. Was late enough that they were too far ahead in training and I was just to come back for phase 2 of training which began at 6:00pm. Well, at this time it was like 3 or so pm. Now what?
Went back to Pearson to do some counting in the lab. Might as well make some money, right? Did this for about two hours or so...then got a call from Fei to call her boss for a possible third job.
Went over to fill out an application and I now have an interview at 3pm Tomorrow, Tuesday for the Outdoor Pursuit Center as a Facilitator. I hope I get it. The money would be nice and it'd be a break from my other jobs.
Then I got a strawberries and cream frapp and a coffee cake...then went to work again.
Training was long and tedious. At least I'm not the only one who feels lost and I know like 2 people. It will Not be an easy job, but I think it could be a good experience. I'll definitely learn how to be more persuasive and persistent...sigh.
I am exhausted. I am physically tired from the walking all over the place, to and from car forever, around looking for my drivers license, and of course from work on the boat collecting samples. My brain is tired from all the confusion of the day, being sleepy, and training for job 2.
Can't fall apart yet! so much to do! Need to make money and figure out my life! I hope I don't go in over my head and just get too swamped. I need to try to figure out how to keep my priorities straight but I might have to wait to do that when I am not so busy...like maybe this weekend? although I might be helping Josh's parents pack stuff. Hm..LISTS.
Stupid rain messing up the day. But at least it was an interesting day. And Now I am stuck with a drivers license I dislike but it'll always remind me to not be so stupid.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
It'll be a different kind of summer
It's been a relatively lazy day but I'm glad. Conserving energy until long day tomorrow! Even though tomorrow I'll make like 70 or so dollars I won't see it for about four weeks. I didn't work much the last two weeks of school if at all so I won't see money for a while. I need to save money. Grad school won't be cheap even if I'm not paying for all of it, it'll still be a good deal of money because it's a city.
I really wish I had the funds to see Paul Van Dyke this Thursday, it'd have been cool because Friday's my birthday so I'll be somewhere awesome. Even so, I'm not all that excited about turning 22 anyway. I would be fine just relaxing. Although if I had to choose between PVD and Benny Benassi, I think BB would be more fun. I am more familiar with his music and listen to his more often than PVD. I sorta wish I cared a little more about my birthday. A lot of people won't be around though. Not that it's a horrible thing because I understand that this summer will be different. People are doing their own thing and getting ready for the future. So I guess my way of preparation is trying to save money. Maybe I'll think of something to do in the next day or two. Maybe. Though, I still don't care too much for it. I feel like planning a birthday takes a lot of energy and when I don't really care I don't have the energy to bother. Not much of a motivation. I feel like over the years I've grown tired of planning things sometimes.
I do hope to go to BB though.
Good thing I like to make lists, it makes keeping track of all the things I am trying to figure out a little easier.
One good thing though is that I am down 4lbs. 6 to go. Then I'll just do the maintaining through running perhaps.
I really wish I had the funds to see Paul Van Dyke this Thursday, it'd have been cool because Friday's my birthday so I'll be somewhere awesome. Even so, I'm not all that excited about turning 22 anyway. I would be fine just relaxing. Although if I had to choose between PVD and Benny Benassi, I think BB would be more fun. I am more familiar with his music and listen to his more often than PVD. I sorta wish I cared a little more about my birthday. A lot of people won't be around though. Not that it's a horrible thing because I understand that this summer will be different. People are doing their own thing and getting ready for the future. So I guess my way of preparation is trying to save money. Maybe I'll think of something to do in the next day or two. Maybe. Though, I still don't care too much for it. I feel like planning a birthday takes a lot of energy and when I don't really care I don't have the energy to bother. Not much of a motivation. I feel like over the years I've grown tired of planning things sometimes.
I do hope to go to BB though.
Good thing I like to make lists, it makes keeping track of all the things I am trying to figure out a little easier.
One good thing though is that I am down 4lbs. 6 to go. Then I'll just do the maintaining through running perhaps.
Better than expected
Played outside with Luke today. Hiked a bit with Josh. Really didn't do too much. Drove to his parents house n made pasta. ate it. lazed around. got bored. went uptown. At least it was very chill/enjoyable. Drove around. Camry's not the greatest with fast turns but with the right approach it's ok. It's a very practical car. Josh accidentally hit a cat. I'm glad I wasn't driving it. Checked the camry when back uptown and there was fur...when he went back home there was no dead cat so it made it! probably! it at least hobbled away.
I'd have been really sad if it was a bunny and would've cried if it was a dog. Not that I hate cats or anything but there's just so many stray cats, and they don't care too much about your feelings. At least the cat probably made it.
It's been a good day. Pretty happy.
I'd have been really sad if it was a bunny and would've cried if it was a dog. Not that I hate cats or anything but there's just so many stray cats, and they don't care too much about your feelings. At least the cat probably made it.
It's been a good day. Pretty happy.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Unknown
I have no idea what's with me these days. For the most part I am happy but my sleep/eating schedule/habits are so messed up and my body's just being so weird the past two weeks that its driving me crazy. That and life is sorta weird. I'm trying. I don't know if I am getting anywhere. But, I guess I will just keep trying and just try to stay happy. If only my body would quit being so crazy and quit driving me crazy.
Maybe my body is telling me something? should I be concerned?
I am glad to see Kait today though, as well as everybody else. I turn 22 in 6 days. ah.
Maybe my body is telling me something? should I be concerned?
I am glad to see Kait today though, as well as everybody else. I turn 22 in 6 days. ah.
Friday, May 14, 2010
I don't wanna walk S-O-L-O
"And I dont wanna walk around alone, solo
I said I dont want to walk this earth
If I gotta do it, solo (solo) solo." --Solo-IYAZ
Thanks to Fei, this song is stuck in my head. I added it to the playlist for the cookout this evening. Hopefully people enjoy the playlist as I tried to put stuff on it that at least somebody or two enjoys.
The weather is pretty nice today. I am looking forward to a hopefully very good day. To do? Call Declan to see if their grill has enough gas, figure out when people should go, what people should bring, what I need to get...
I just wanna be a lazy bum this week, and I've done a decent job of that most of the time ;). Starting Monday It'll be lotsa work. Hm. One day at a time.
I said I dont want to walk this earth
If I gotta do it, solo (solo) solo." --Solo-IYAZ
Thanks to Fei, this song is stuck in my head. I added it to the playlist for the cookout this evening. Hopefully people enjoy the playlist as I tried to put stuff on it that at least somebody or two enjoys.
The weather is pretty nice today. I am looking forward to a hopefully very good day. To do? Call Declan to see if their grill has enough gas, figure out when people should go, what people should bring, what I need to get...
I just wanna be a lazy bum this week, and I've done a decent job of that most of the time ;). Starting Monday It'll be lotsa work. Hm. One day at a time.
good
Luke's masterpiece from iPod.
life is good right now and I am hoping it continues to go well...
trying to take life as it is and make the most out of it. I don't want to screw it up too much.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Telehawks
Ok, I will officially be working as a Telehawk. I realize this is pretty much a telemarketer but hey, there are perks!
I need to do the paperwork for that tomorrow and maybe work in the lab some. I should at least count for a few hours? something like that.
It's been pretty crazy in the house for the past two days with drama coming in and out. Thankfully not my family's drama. But, Luke's been affected by it and even though he was fine with being downstairs for a while he eventually got scared of it or something and I found him on the bed in the next room by himself moping with a blanket. He looked so sad and lonely. I guess he wandered up here by himself at some point after my dad had to leave to go do something. Then he just hung out in my room for just about the whole afternoon. We both avoided downstairs. Well, I especially avoided downstairs...pretty much for two days unless I ran out of food or needed something. It was really nice actually. Luke was super behaved today and was really quiet. Just chill. All he wanted to do was sit next to me and we watched Disney movies (Peter Pan in Return to Neverland, and part of Aladdin).He really liked Peter Pan and we never got into Aladdin enough for him to get much out of it yet. Maybe tomorrow.
Hopefully life continues to go pretty well but I figure as long as I let it and want it to it will be. here's to that!
There is still plenty to do. So much stuff to actually go through. Yipes! But so far summer is good! I am excited for the future and am hopeful for good things to come.
Back to reading The Hobbit! I'm like halfway done? Enjoying it a lot so far.
- Pay ($$$), with opportunities to get raises if I am particularly persuasive (I hope I am!)
- Keep my brain moving
- Think back about the wonderful experiences at Miami and how much I appreciate what it has given me. Also helps me evaluate my time there and where I am going.
- Get out of the house
- Still allows me to go out and play. I will be working Sunday-Wednesday (6:15-9:30pm). So if I want to go out I still can After that. Note: I need to figure out my hours for the lab but that is at least pretty much temporary (until July) and it depends on when projects are going on. I would like to get as close to 15 hours as I can in the lab which would have a cumulative of 27 hours/wk for a while, then back to 15 if I cannot find something else too. Thankfully I have a pretty long summer to compensate so more money accumulates. But, I would still like to play and go away every once in a while! EEH!
- Require to keep up confidence. With a job like that you can't just be meak and shy. You have to speak up. It'll be good to get back to that really.
I need to do the paperwork for that tomorrow and maybe work in the lab some. I should at least count for a few hours? something like that.
It's been pretty crazy in the house for the past two days with drama coming in and out. Thankfully not my family's drama. But, Luke's been affected by it and even though he was fine with being downstairs for a while he eventually got scared of it or something and I found him on the bed in the next room by himself moping with a blanket. He looked so sad and lonely. I guess he wandered up here by himself at some point after my dad had to leave to go do something. Then he just hung out in my room for just about the whole afternoon. We both avoided downstairs. Well, I especially avoided downstairs...pretty much for two days unless I ran out of food or needed something. It was really nice actually. Luke was super behaved today and was really quiet. Just chill. All he wanted to do was sit next to me and we watched Disney movies (Peter Pan in Return to Neverland, and part of Aladdin).He really liked Peter Pan and we never got into Aladdin enough for him to get much out of it yet. Maybe tomorrow.
Hopefully life continues to go pretty well but I figure as long as I let it and want it to it will be. here's to that!
There is still plenty to do. So much stuff to actually go through. Yipes! But so far summer is good! I am excited for the future and am hopeful for good things to come.
Back to reading The Hobbit! I'm like halfway done? Enjoying it a lot so far.
men n women
"men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed...women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished."
I am going to try to remember such things better.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch
I am going to try to remember such things better.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch
I am so glad I live an essentially drama-free life.
People have been here for a cumulative of 6+ hours now. Last night it was just a bunch of yelling and angriness and my mom's just trying to comfort people, calm them down, help. Poor dad is stuck there and is now also trying to help. Thank goodness Luke is being so good and amusing himself. I am avoiding downstairs until there is a need to go downstairs. Good thing I have PLENTY to do in my room like UNPACKING, CLEANING, and READING on the Kindle app of the ipod!
This Kindle is amazing. I wanted the amazon kindle but having this is so much better because the technology is 1) less expensive, 2) more useful, 3) i can play games, check fb, e-mail etc. Of course this is limited by wireless and there is wireless about 98% of the time here so I'm good to go!
I don't like being so dependent on technology right now but I do love having access to books on the go. I bought The Hobbit (Josh's recommendation) and Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus (Which I've read before but it's nice to have it on the kindle because I can highlight things and dehighlight them, bookmark, etc. and it'll remember it all for me on a separate page...and I can do searches...)
Hm...My room is such a mess and I can barely see the floor. The garage isn't doing so well either. I think I'll work on my room first and then the garage. The only time I've gone downstairs since yesterday afternoon was to pick up furniture from Edwina today (1 coffee table, 1 tv stand, 1 lamp, 2 pillows like the hamster one!!!, and 3 binders). Good thing I remember where her apartment is and that the highlander was unloaded yesterday (took a while). Why do I have so much junk? I never thought I was all That high maintenance but I do like a decent amount of stuff. At least I am not super wasteful.
So I still need a fouton/foldout couch, new bed, kitchenware, desk/chair, and maybe a shelf.
eeeeeh! so much to do but I have so much time! hahaha...I am so tempted to just lay around and read instead of clean but I am sure I'd feel much better if I can actually see my room.
I am very happy today, even though it's like everybody downstairs is upset, crying, angry, noisy or something. Good thing Luke doesn't care and if he wants to leave them I know he'll just wander up here. I hope it's into my room and not some other room because he has recently discovered how to lock doors from the inside so he may lock himself in somewhere...Nobody is quite sure where the keys are to the doors...maybe I'll tape the lock on the doorknob. Good idea? I think so.
This Kindle is amazing. I wanted the amazon kindle but having this is so much better because the technology is 1) less expensive, 2) more useful, 3) i can play games, check fb, e-mail etc. Of course this is limited by wireless and there is wireless about 98% of the time here so I'm good to go!
I don't like being so dependent on technology right now but I do love having access to books on the go. I bought The Hobbit (Josh's recommendation) and Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus (Which I've read before but it's nice to have it on the kindle because I can highlight things and dehighlight them, bookmark, etc. and it'll remember it all for me on a separate page...and I can do searches...)
Hm...My room is such a mess and I can barely see the floor. The garage isn't doing so well either. I think I'll work on my room first and then the garage. The only time I've gone downstairs since yesterday afternoon was to pick up furniture from Edwina today (1 coffee table, 1 tv stand, 1 lamp, 2 pillows like the hamster one!!!, and 3 binders). Good thing I remember where her apartment is and that the highlander was unloaded yesterday (took a while). Why do I have so much junk? I never thought I was all That high maintenance but I do like a decent amount of stuff. At least I am not super wasteful.
So I still need a fouton/foldout couch, new bed, kitchenware, desk/chair, and maybe a shelf.
eeeeeh! so much to do but I have so much time! hahaha...I am so tempted to just lay around and read instead of clean but I am sure I'd feel much better if I can actually see my room.
I am very happy today, even though it's like everybody downstairs is upset, crying, angry, noisy or something. Good thing Luke doesn't care and if he wants to leave them I know he'll just wander up here. I hope it's into my room and not some other room because he has recently discovered how to lock doors from the inside so he may lock himself in somewhere...Nobody is quite sure where the keys are to the doors...maybe I'll tape the lock on the doorknob. Good idea? I think so.
Monday, May 10, 2010
First weekday without class for 5 months
It's Monday and I didn't really do much. I woke up at like 9am with a headache and just didn't feel good until about...3 hours ago. Not much of an appetite and mostly just tired. But, I am feeling much better now than this morning. Much happier/calmer. I am so glad finals are over and I'm actually really excited today about my new life to come in Columbus!
I know a few people who either go there or will go there so I won't be totally lonely. We have family friends there. Also, Jennie's mom said I should have dinner at their house on weekends lol. Her mommy is so cute!
hmm...
I have a few apartment prospects and am planning on calling/visiting sometime. Hopefully within the next couple of weeks.
I am not a grown-up right now and am actually very dependent but I am looking forward to learning what the real world is like even if it will probably be harder, lol. But, I am hopeful. I am hopeful to becoming a better me and rediscovering myself. This will be better for myself and others.
Hm, what else did I do today?...hm...napped, had phone interview (I think it went alright though they're not sure if they can hire graduates but he'll get back to me), added applications to ipodtouch, unloaded the car...
I have yet to unpack but that will be a process in itself especially since I have crammed my room with bags/boxes and need to figure out how to organize stuff...
Picking up a coffee table from Edwina in the morning.
Eeeh...so not only do I need to find an apartment but it needs to be in a good/safe location, I'm gonna need to find furniture, etc. That and I would like to figure out what internet I can get there...and where stuff is in general...hehe, I feel so unprepared but I have months to prepare myself! ah, a new life!
It's gotten me thinking about the future. I want it to be bright. I am looking forward to meeting new people and I am so glad technology will allow me to keep in touch with people. I am looking forward to learning more in school, getting a job, and hopefully settling down somewhere.
Eeeeeh! I am excited, tired, and trying to organize my life :)
ahhh now its so noisy. Natalie's mom walked over and now it's really loud and dramatic. People have got issues. I am going to avoid downstairs for now cus I do not want to somehow get involved and it sounds awkward...good thing my life isn't anything like that. I should be very thankful...
I know a few people who either go there or will go there so I won't be totally lonely. We have family friends there. Also, Jennie's mom said I should have dinner at their house on weekends lol. Her mommy is so cute!
hmm...
I have a few apartment prospects and am planning on calling/visiting sometime. Hopefully within the next couple of weeks.
I am not a grown-up right now and am actually very dependent but I am looking forward to learning what the real world is like even if it will probably be harder, lol. But, I am hopeful. I am hopeful to becoming a better me and rediscovering myself. This will be better for myself and others.
Hm, what else did I do today?...hm...napped, had phone interview (I think it went alright though they're not sure if they can hire graduates but he'll get back to me), added applications to ipodtouch, unloaded the car...
I have yet to unpack but that will be a process in itself especially since I have crammed my room with bags/boxes and need to figure out how to organize stuff...
Picking up a coffee table from Edwina in the morning.
Eeeh...so not only do I need to find an apartment but it needs to be in a good/safe location, I'm gonna need to find furniture, etc. That and I would like to figure out what internet I can get there...and where stuff is in general...hehe, I feel so unprepared but I have months to prepare myself! ah, a new life!
It's gotten me thinking about the future. I want it to be bright. I am looking forward to meeting new people and I am so glad technology will allow me to keep in touch with people. I am looking forward to learning more in school, getting a job, and hopefully settling down somewhere.
Eeeeeh! I am excited, tired, and trying to organize my life :)
ahhh now its so noisy. Natalie's mom walked over and now it's really loud and dramatic. People have got issues. I am going to avoid downstairs for now cus I do not want to somehow get involved and it sounds awkward...good thing my life isn't anything like that. I should be very thankful...
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Goodbye Miami and others
The past couple of days have been crazy even though there really was no reason for it to be so. I was up and down. But, when I get it out and have a breather I realize how stupid I am being and just feel awful about it. It's not really a good cycle to have and I want it to be better because I know it is not good for me and others.
Graduation itself was fine. Cold afternoon, hectic evening, and nothing quite went right. I'm learning more about myself. Good and bad things. I should just chill out.
Natalie and I were talking this afternoon about how she talks to her friends different from her mother because when she's with her mom she's a lot more emotional (crazy) because she feels there is less pressure to be "polite." I have no idea how to translate the word from Chinese but that is the closest I can come up with. I feel like with people you feel close attachments to there are assumed expectations as if they can read your mind. I can't read minds. I cannot expect others to be able to. I feel like I just take a long time to learn these things.
Anyway, Edwina (+mom&dad), Natalie (+mom&julian), and Josh came for dinner. Us girls just graduated and before long we'll be separated. If Jennie wasn't so busy packing she could've come. Sigh. Anyway, I enjoyed the food and I hope people enjoyed themselves. Natalie's mother is a fan of Josh I think. Natalie and Edwina said good things. I am a fan too but I feel like I sorta suck at doing that justice. Working on it.
I really need to step up my effort on just being a better person right now. I can't be putting others through my emotional roller coasters and need to deal with myself lol.
Hm, goodbye miami, good bye miami friends and hope to see everybody asap and continue good relationships, and hello future and one step closer to being a grown-up!
Graduation itself was fine. Cold afternoon, hectic evening, and nothing quite went right. I'm learning more about myself. Good and bad things. I should just chill out.
Natalie and I were talking this afternoon about how she talks to her friends different from her mother because when she's with her mom she's a lot more emotional (crazy) because she feels there is less pressure to be "polite." I have no idea how to translate the word from Chinese but that is the closest I can come up with. I feel like with people you feel close attachments to there are assumed expectations as if they can read your mind. I can't read minds. I cannot expect others to be able to. I feel like I just take a long time to learn these things.
Anyway, Edwina (+mom&dad), Natalie (+mom&julian), and Josh came for dinner. Us girls just graduated and before long we'll be separated. If Jennie wasn't so busy packing she could've come. Sigh. Anyway, I enjoyed the food and I hope people enjoyed themselves. Natalie's mother is a fan of Josh I think. Natalie and Edwina said good things. I am a fan too but I feel like I sorta suck at doing that justice. Working on it.
I really need to step up my effort on just being a better person right now. I can't be putting others through my emotional roller coasters and need to deal with myself lol.
Hm, goodbye miami, good bye miami friends and hope to see everybody asap and continue good relationships, and hello future and one step closer to being a grown-up!
Friday, May 7, 2010
Money?
So I have Some money coming in.
I will actually be working in the lab still until the end of June at 15hr/wk, and then hopefully I can work Telehawks (interview rescheduled for Monday3pm). Apparently Lisa's friends in charge there so many that'll help. So...some money...better than none! I feel lazy right now.
I will actually be working in the lab still until the end of June at 15hr/wk, and then hopefully I can work Telehawks (interview rescheduled for Monday3pm). Apparently Lisa's friends in charge there so many that'll help. So...some money...better than none! I feel lazy right now.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
DONE
OhEmmGee
Happy.Overwhelmed.Nostalgic already.
I never thought so much of me would change over the years but I am happy about these changes. I never thought I'd go "oh, whatever" over a D on an exam or something...but it has happened. haha. I do not know the results to two of my finals but I think SOC was at least OK. That and I am happy he really liked my term paper. I didn't think I'd do That well on it! I did work pretty hard on it. If I had been a tad more organized I could've gotten a 100% on it maybe. I am just happy he liked it.
What am I going to do with myself? I found out I can probably move out Sunday because I am graduating so that makes moving less stressful...little by little, right?
If I can move out Sunday...
Thursday: Move some in the morning w/ Jennie, lunch, Best Buy w/ Jennie to get her a camera?, phone interview, move some more stuff with Dad, visit home and play with Luke...
Friday: move some more stuff, chill, RED BRICK RALLY, hang out, sleep...
Saturday: main graduation w/ Jennie, home to hang out, then College of A&S graduation (7pm). I am hoping Jennie's fam and my fam can go together. Besides, they have mutual friends but just haven't met each other, lol.
i am happy and sad.
These have been some amazing years and I am very satisfied with my college experience. I have come out a better person I think. I love it here.
Happy.Overwhelmed.Nostalgic already.
I never thought so much of me would change over the years but I am happy about these changes. I never thought I'd go "oh, whatever" over a D on an exam or something...but it has happened. haha. I do not know the results to two of my finals but I think SOC was at least OK. That and I am happy he really liked my term paper. I didn't think I'd do That well on it! I did work pretty hard on it. If I had been a tad more organized I could've gotten a 100% on it maybe. I am just happy he liked it.
What am I going to do with myself? I found out I can probably move out Sunday because I am graduating so that makes moving less stressful...little by little, right?
If I can move out Sunday...
Thursday: Move some in the morning w/ Jennie, lunch, Best Buy w/ Jennie to get her a camera?, phone interview, move some more stuff with Dad, visit home and play with Luke...
Friday: move some more stuff, chill, RED BRICK RALLY, hang out, sleep...
Saturday: main graduation w/ Jennie, home to hang out, then College of A&S graduation (7pm). I am hoping Jennie's fam and my fam can go together. Besides, they have mutual friends but just haven't met each other, lol.
i am happy and sad.
These have been some amazing years and I am very satisfied with my college experience. I have come out a better person I think. I love it here.
Thorough Day
Woke up at 9/10am...showered, had lunch with Jennifer and Jennie...then went to College Suites with Jennie to lay out. I studied while I was there AND registered for OSU courses. Though, according to Stephanie's bf, Kyle, I may have registered for too many classes. So I will probably drop one though I am also trying to find research opportunities at OSU so I e-mailed some professor who may be in charge of stuff or something. I hope I get something! Although having to do it around my schedule will be a tad of a hassle. I am hoping I do not have to have classes or work on Fridays because that'd give me a 3 day weekend to come home more often or to get stuff done! But, so far things are looking good there and I am know people who are familiar with the area.
Dinner was good with Steph, Carly, and Josh. Then Josh and I took a walk and I had him take Ali's old carpet out of my room so he can use it somehow. I don't care for it and if I do get a carpet I want a pretty/bright one.
Which reminds me, I need a job, but I don't want one that takes up so much time that I have no summer at all.
Also, there is a concert at BoMA I want to go to. Practically on my birthday. DJ Paul Van Dyk. Sounds fun, right? yeaaa...and Benny Benassi is in June I think. Either way Jennie will still be around (she's going to China).
So much to do!...time to take my next/last final! afterwards? who knows...
Dinner was good with Steph, Carly, and Josh. Then Josh and I took a walk and I had him take Ali's old carpet out of my room so he can use it somehow. I don't care for it and if I do get a carpet I want a pretty/bright one.
Which reminds me, I need a job, but I don't want one that takes up so much time that I have no summer at all.
Also, there is a concert at BoMA I want to go to. Practically on my birthday. DJ Paul Van Dyk. Sounds fun, right? yeaaa...and Benny Benassi is in June I think. Either way Jennie will still be around (she's going to China).
So much to do!...time to take my next/last final! afterwards? who knows...
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
ONE left!
So I am pretty relieved right now. It turns out Biochem did not turn out horribly and that I did really well on the Final. If only I had done well on like two of my other exams I'd have done really well in the class but as it is I am content with the results because I historically do horribly on Finals so I did not expect much.. It's sort of strange because I didn't study that much for the Biochem exam because I kept on getting distracted...hah.
The exam today was pretty awful. Jennie and I both agree that it probably kicked our butts because we came out with horrendous headaches. It was so long and for most of it there is no way to check answers because they were that confusing and there were just that many to remember. Oh well... haha, when the class heard there were 75 multiple choice questions, 30 being T/F ...ughh...Then she asked how many of us were seniors...just about all of us. And then a girl in the back goes, "Can you at least pass us?" The exam...yeah, please let it go alright...
Afterwards, I went back to my room to try to get my Patterns of Development book to sell back...but they're going to use the new edition next year so they offered $10...I didn't want to take it but I may have to go back and accept it because even online they would give LESS than that. Dang. That and they're using a new edition for Biochem...More money down the drain from this semester. And for SOC? they're not even using a book next semester so I have to sell that one online which is sort of annoying... With Amazon I can sell it for like 70 something but end up with Amazon credit while if I sell it to Barnes and Nobles I get 50 something as a check. It really depends if there is something from Amazon that I want or something...
it's been a good day for the most part and I'm going to try to continue having a good day even though I should study for my exam that is tomorrow...
I had a really good time at dinner with my roomie. Um, I am probably going to move almost all my stuff Thursday after my phone interview (I might have a job for the summer?)...and then move the rest on Friday...although Friday is supposed to storm. Either way, I'll be home Friday night...actually, it'd be more accurate to say I'll be UPTOWN Friday night for Red Brick Rally and it is going to be crazy fun I am sure. Saturday night is graduation. 7:15pm is when it officially starts but I'll be there at like 6:30p. Hm.
Probably watching Surrogates with Josh tonight. It's overdue so better watch it so I don't have it overdue AGAIN and practically just buy the movies.
I NEED TO MAKE MYSELF STUDY.
The exam today was pretty awful. Jennie and I both agree that it probably kicked our butts because we came out with horrendous headaches. It was so long and for most of it there is no way to check answers because they were that confusing and there were just that many to remember. Oh well... haha, when the class heard there were 75 multiple choice questions, 30 being T/F ...ughh...Then she asked how many of us were seniors...just about all of us. And then a girl in the back goes, "Can you at least pass us?" The exam...yeah, please let it go alright...
Afterwards, I went back to my room to try to get my Patterns of Development book to sell back...but they're going to use the new edition next year so they offered $10...I didn't want to take it but I may have to go back and accept it because even online they would give LESS than that. Dang. That and they're using a new edition for Biochem...More money down the drain from this semester. And for SOC? they're not even using a book next semester so I have to sell that one online which is sort of annoying... With Amazon I can sell it for like 70 something but end up with Amazon credit while if I sell it to Barnes and Nobles I get 50 something as a check. It really depends if there is something from Amazon that I want or something...
it's been a good day for the most part and I'm going to try to continue having a good day even though I should study for my exam that is tomorrow...
I had a really good time at dinner with my roomie. Um, I am probably going to move almost all my stuff Thursday after my phone interview (I might have a job for the summer?)...and then move the rest on Friday...although Friday is supposed to storm. Either way, I'll be home Friday night...actually, it'd be more accurate to say I'll be UPTOWN Friday night for Red Brick Rally and it is going to be crazy fun I am sure. Saturday night is graduation. 7:15pm is when it officially starts but I'll be there at like 6:30p. Hm.
Probably watching Surrogates with Josh tonight. It's overdue so better watch it so I don't have it overdue AGAIN and practically just buy the movies.
I NEED TO MAKE MYSELF STUDY.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Feeling much better, Thanks Stephanie.
I was so anxious earlier because I had nowhere to channel it and I really don't like myself when i channel anxiety unintentionally towards people. I should just carry my notes to study with me in case this happens during Finals week. Yeah...There is just so much going on.
I went over to Stephanie's to return her Bengay stuff (for my knees) and we just began talking about school and future. I feel like school has gotten a lot harder to keep up with, especially compared to first semester of freshman year. That year I was just so energetic and into what I was doing, and studying was not difficult at all. I had little problem concentrating and doing well...but it's been up and down but slowly declining since then. I've learned things but I feel like it is harder to focus. But, I also have more things to think about now and more opportunities to just freak out whereas before, I was totally dependent and didn't really have to think about anything else but doing well in school. Now, I also want to do well with my life and life is complicated which sort of carries over. I know I can make it simpler and just adjust to it better but sometimes when I'm overwhelmed by an accumulation of things it gets hard. Pressures whether they be real or superficial, are there. We were talking about some of the super smart people we know who do awesome in school but as far as other parts of their life, they're sorta crazy/strange (I am aware that I can be crazy myself). I admire them but at the same time I like having learned so much about life, I know I could learn a lot more and probably should, but I am trying hard to be aware of them.
I don't deal with anxiety as well as I used to...getting a little worn out from it.
I may not know exactly what I want to do with my future but I know what type of things I like and that is part of the reason why I am continuing my education. Not just pursuing a specific goal but to learn what I can do and to just learn...beyond what I can research about the field myself...
It helps to know I am not the only one who feels this way. I am thankful for the good friends I have made here during my time at Miami. I will be forever grateful because it keeps me grounded and I want people around me who can help me be a better version of myself and vice versa. It is a good feeling. This makes my evening a little better and a little less stressful.
Maybe studying will be easier now, and if not, I know life isn't over because of it.
P.S. Found 10$ today on the way to Biochem Final. If only the Final was as good as the money.
I went over to Stephanie's to return her Bengay stuff (for my knees) and we just began talking about school and future. I feel like school has gotten a lot harder to keep up with, especially compared to first semester of freshman year. That year I was just so energetic and into what I was doing, and studying was not difficult at all. I had little problem concentrating and doing well...but it's been up and down but slowly declining since then. I've learned things but I feel like it is harder to focus. But, I also have more things to think about now and more opportunities to just freak out whereas before, I was totally dependent and didn't really have to think about anything else but doing well in school. Now, I also want to do well with my life and life is complicated which sort of carries over. I know I can make it simpler and just adjust to it better but sometimes when I'm overwhelmed by an accumulation of things it gets hard. Pressures whether they be real or superficial, are there. We were talking about some of the super smart people we know who do awesome in school but as far as other parts of their life, they're sorta crazy/strange (I am aware that I can be crazy myself). I admire them but at the same time I like having learned so much about life, I know I could learn a lot more and probably should, but I am trying hard to be aware of them.
I don't deal with anxiety as well as I used to...getting a little worn out from it.
I may not know exactly what I want to do with my future but I know what type of things I like and that is part of the reason why I am continuing my education. Not just pursuing a specific goal but to learn what I can do and to just learn...beyond what I can research about the field myself...
It helps to know I am not the only one who feels this way. I am thankful for the good friends I have made here during my time at Miami. I will be forever grateful because it keeps me grounded and I want people around me who can help me be a better version of myself and vice versa. It is a good feeling. This makes my evening a little better and a little less stressful.
Maybe studying will be easier now, and if not, I know life isn't over because of it.
P.S. Found 10$ today on the way to Biochem Final. If only the Final was as good as the money.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
3 days
Until finals are over.
I am trying really hard not to stress too much. My knees are a little better today, I am going to give it a break though to make sure it is better.
I wish I had done well enough on the previous exams that I don't even have to do anything...but no.
OMG. Can it be Wednesday at like 9pm? Then I'll be done with finals so I can clean/pack. Brings me closer to fun. But, also brings me closer to reality. Hey, it's the journey. Guess, I should try to enjoy the ride :)
I have : Nothin' on you -- B.o.B. stuck in my head
"beautiful girls all over the world, i could be chasing but my time would be wastin cus they got nothing on you baby, nothing on you baby"
I am trying really hard not to stress too much. My knees are a little better today, I am going to give it a break though to make sure it is better.
I wish I had done well enough on the previous exams that I don't even have to do anything...but no.
OMG. Can it be Wednesday at like 9pm? Then I'll be done with finals so I can clean/pack. Brings me closer to fun. But, also brings me closer to reality. Hey, it's the journey. Guess, I should try to enjoy the ride :)
I have : Nothin' on you -- B.o.B. stuck in my head
"beautiful girls all over the world, i could be chasing but my time would be wastin cus they got nothing on you baby, nothing on you baby"
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Last weekend as an undergrad
Freaking me out a little bit.
Yesterday was fun. The grill out was a bit of a surprise with so many people but food and hot tub was fun. I was really, really tired though. And just a little anxious. It was good to be around friends though.
I really suck at pool...and fooseball by the way. Not that I didn't know that...maybe I should play more than like 4 times in my life...
I did not plan on going uptown but I am glad I was persuaded to because it was fun and worth it. It was a little bit tedious waiting for the others to get to Mac n Joes but that was worth it. Fun new people. The Long Island was too sour but Jennie and I liked it, we love sour drinks. The Jagermeister tastes like chinese medicine...But hey, got a free thong out of it. Hah. Then we went to 45 (of course) and that was fun. Jennie's friend bought even more rounds of shots... Bumped into like everybody. Afterwards we were just pretty much a mess. The girls anyway. Just tears.
I am very thankful Josh made me go out last night and was so nice. I've been so tense and anxious lately, just freaking out about everything that I really needed last night. I am so glad I got to see everybody and that we are all feeling the same things because I feel a lot less alone now. It still sorta sucks but at least I don't feel lonely about it.
I am really going to miss these people. Natalie was there from the beginning and to think that four years have gone by is just overwhelming. It's just about over. Finals does not count because I do not remotely enjoy those. They freak me out right now. With Jennie? I understand why she's upset but we were also upset about the same things. To think that it took this long to find friends that truly understand and that you are on the same wavelength with is difficult...and it took this long to find that and now we all have to be separated. It is not easy to find friends that do not take you for granted and truly appreciate the friendship. Friends that you admire who are always there. Friends that you really enjoy being around who are energetic, fun, and sometimes just crazy. I can be myself. Time goes by too fast.
I am so happy the people I love are doing so well though. Jennie has met an amazing guy who understands so well and knows just how to take care of her. She is also amazingly smart and hard working and I know she will go far in life. I admire her for this. Jocelyn has opened up so much more and her amazing personality is getting noticed more. Stephanie is so smart and energetic and will go on to do great things and Kyle is so good to her. Edwina is brilliant and is going to one of the best schools in the world. Natalie is engaged to a wonderful man who will never fail to provide and be supportive. My roommate, Ashley, is becoming more outgoing and confident with herself and works so hard! she will do great things too. People have gotten into great schools, have bright futures, and are moving forward. Josh has a lot going for him now too. He is smart and I admire how much passion he has for what he knows and just seems to understand things so thoroughly. People love him and that people skills is so important in life. He is making so many new friends and developing himself in so many positive ways. It is pretty cool to watch, really. It is amazing to watch everybody grow to become such wonderful people and to think that it never changes. I am excited to see how everybody turns out and am looking forward to keeping in touch. Thank goodness for technology.
My left knee hurts from yesterday in general...so do my feet from getting stomped on by heels so many times. ouch. Worth it though. Totally worth it. Maybe this is what an old person feels like. It is a very strange feeling, normally I'm not sore/achey and stuff and can just run around as much as I want without getting tired or pooped out too much. Ugh.
I am glad this doesn't happen much because then I wouldn't like to be active. I am much happier when I get to run around...even if it's goin to the rec by myself.
I don't know how I am goin to make myself study hard. Especially since it feels so daunting...that and I don't know how I am going to get my room all packed up. I have no idea. Maybe I'll just wait til after my wednesday final to do all that...after finals I can focus on packing and going out...
Friday night? is going to be awesome. Red Brick Rally. Last hurrah. It's going to be crazy.
At least my alcohol tolerance has gotten much better the past few weeks. I haven't gotten sick recently. Shots treat me a lot better. Weird. I'm tired but I feel good physically, just a little shaky emotionally.
I don't want it to end yet. I got a text saying that I have a bright future. I really hope so. I have enough going for me now and I am looking forward to the future, but that doesn't mean I'm not a little scared about growing up. But, I suppose growing up is good as long as I am not growing up alone.
Yesterday was fun. The grill out was a bit of a surprise with so many people but food and hot tub was fun. I was really, really tired though. And just a little anxious. It was good to be around friends though.
I really suck at pool...and fooseball by the way. Not that I didn't know that...maybe I should play more than like 4 times in my life...
I did not plan on going uptown but I am glad I was persuaded to because it was fun and worth it. It was a little bit tedious waiting for the others to get to Mac n Joes but that was worth it. Fun new people. The Long Island was too sour but Jennie and I liked it, we love sour drinks. The Jagermeister tastes like chinese medicine...But hey, got a free thong out of it. Hah. Then we went to 45 (of course) and that was fun. Jennie's friend bought even more rounds of shots... Bumped into like everybody. Afterwards we were just pretty much a mess. The girls anyway. Just tears.
I am very thankful Josh made me go out last night and was so nice. I've been so tense and anxious lately, just freaking out about everything that I really needed last night. I am so glad I got to see everybody and that we are all feeling the same things because I feel a lot less alone now. It still sorta sucks but at least I don't feel lonely about it.
I am really going to miss these people. Natalie was there from the beginning and to think that four years have gone by is just overwhelming. It's just about over. Finals does not count because I do not remotely enjoy those. They freak me out right now. With Jennie? I understand why she's upset but we were also upset about the same things. To think that it took this long to find friends that truly understand and that you are on the same wavelength with is difficult...and it took this long to find that and now we all have to be separated. It is not easy to find friends that do not take you for granted and truly appreciate the friendship. Friends that you admire who are always there. Friends that you really enjoy being around who are energetic, fun, and sometimes just crazy. I can be myself. Time goes by too fast.
I am so happy the people I love are doing so well though. Jennie has met an amazing guy who understands so well and knows just how to take care of her. She is also amazingly smart and hard working and I know she will go far in life. I admire her for this. Jocelyn has opened up so much more and her amazing personality is getting noticed more. Stephanie is so smart and energetic and will go on to do great things and Kyle is so good to her. Edwina is brilliant and is going to one of the best schools in the world. Natalie is engaged to a wonderful man who will never fail to provide and be supportive. My roommate, Ashley, is becoming more outgoing and confident with herself and works so hard! she will do great things too. People have gotten into great schools, have bright futures, and are moving forward. Josh has a lot going for him now too. He is smart and I admire how much passion he has for what he knows and just seems to understand things so thoroughly. People love him and that people skills is so important in life. He is making so many new friends and developing himself in so many positive ways. It is pretty cool to watch, really. It is amazing to watch everybody grow to become such wonderful people and to think that it never changes. I am excited to see how everybody turns out and am looking forward to keeping in touch. Thank goodness for technology.
My left knee hurts from yesterday in general...so do my feet from getting stomped on by heels so many times. ouch. Worth it though. Totally worth it. Maybe this is what an old person feels like. It is a very strange feeling, normally I'm not sore/achey and stuff and can just run around as much as I want without getting tired or pooped out too much. Ugh.
I am glad this doesn't happen much because then I wouldn't like to be active. I am much happier when I get to run around...even if it's goin to the rec by myself.
I don't know how I am goin to make myself study hard. Especially since it feels so daunting...that and I don't know how I am going to get my room all packed up. I have no idea. Maybe I'll just wait til after my wednesday final to do all that...after finals I can focus on packing and going out...
Friday night? is going to be awesome. Red Brick Rally. Last hurrah. It's going to be crazy.
At least my alcohol tolerance has gotten much better the past few weeks. I haven't gotten sick recently. Shots treat me a lot better. Weird. I'm tired but I feel good physically, just a little shaky emotionally.
I don't want it to end yet. I got a text saying that I have a bright future. I really hope so. I have enough going for me now and I am looking forward to the future, but that doesn't mean I'm not a little scared about growing up. But, I suppose growing up is good as long as I am not growing up alone.
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