Last weekend as an undergrad

Freaking me out a little bit.

Yesterday was fun. The grill out was a bit of a surprise with so many people but food and hot tub was fun. I was really, really tired though. And just a little anxious. It was good to be around friends though.

I really suck at pool...and fooseball by the way. Not that I didn't know that...maybe I should play more than like 4 times in my life...

I did not plan on going uptown but I am glad I was persuaded to because it was fun and worth it. It was a little bit tedious waiting for the others to get to Mac n Joes but that was worth it. Fun new people. The Long Island was too sour but Jennie and I liked it, we love sour drinks. The Jagermeister tastes like chinese medicine...But hey, got a free thong out of it. Hah. Then we went to 45 (of course) and that was fun. Jennie's friend bought even more rounds of shots... Bumped into like everybody. Afterwards we were just pretty much a mess. The girls anyway. Just tears.

I am very thankful Josh made me go out last night and was so nice. I've been so tense and anxious lately, just freaking out about everything that I really needed last night. I am so glad I got to see everybody and that we are all feeling the same things because I feel a lot less alone now. It still sorta sucks but at least I don't feel lonely about it.

I am really going to miss these people. Natalie was there from the beginning and to think that four years have gone by is just overwhelming. It's just about over. Finals does not count because I do not remotely enjoy those. They freak me out right now. With Jennie? I understand why she's upset but we were also upset about the same things. To think that it took this long to find friends that truly understand and that you are on the same wavelength with is difficult...and it took this long to find that and now we all have to be separated. It is not easy to find friends that do not take you for granted and truly appreciate the friendship. Friends that you admire who are always there. Friends that you really enjoy being around who are energetic, fun, and sometimes just crazy. I can be myself. Time goes by too fast.

I am so happy the people I love are doing so well though. Jennie has met an amazing guy who understands so well and knows just how to take care of her. She is also amazingly smart and hard working and I know she will go far in life. I admire her for this. Jocelyn has opened up so much more and her amazing personality is getting noticed more. Stephanie is so smart and energetic and will go on to do great things and Kyle is so good to her. Edwina is brilliant and is going to one of the best schools in the world. Natalie is engaged to a wonderful man who will never fail to provide and be supportive. My roommate, Ashley, is becoming more outgoing and confident with herself and works so hard! she will do great things too. People have gotten into great schools, have bright futures, and are moving forward. Josh has a lot going for him now too. He is smart and I admire how much passion he has for what he knows and just seems to understand things so thoroughly. People love him and that people skills is so important in life. He is making so many new friends and developing himself in so many positive ways. It is pretty cool to watch, really. It is amazing to watch everybody grow to become such wonderful people and to think that it never changes. I am excited to see how everybody turns out and am looking forward to keeping in touch. Thank goodness for technology.

My left knee hurts from yesterday in general...so do my feet from getting stomped on by heels so many times. ouch. Worth it though. Totally worth it. Maybe this is what an old person feels like. It is a very strange feeling, normally I'm not sore/achey and stuff and can just run around as much as I want without getting tired or pooped out too much. Ugh.

I am glad this doesn't happen much because then I wouldn't like to be active. I am much happier when I get to run around...even if it's goin to the rec by myself.

I don't know how I am goin to make myself study hard. Especially since it feels so daunting...that and I don't know how I am going to get my room all packed up. I have no idea. Maybe I'll just wait til after my wednesday final to do all that...after finals I can focus on packing and going out...

Friday night? is going to be awesome. Red Brick Rally. Last hurrah. It's going to be crazy.

At least my alcohol tolerance has gotten much better the past few weeks. I haven't gotten sick recently. Shots treat me a lot better. Weird. I'm tired but I feel good physically, just a little shaky emotionally.

I don't want it to end yet. I got a text saying that I have a bright future. I really hope so. I have enough going for me now and I am looking forward to the future, but that doesn't mean I'm not a little scared about growing up. But, I suppose growing up is good as long as I am not growing up alone.